I had a blog draft started that
talked about all the frustrations and anger and general mixed emotions I’ve
been feeling over the past couple months as well as the wonderful conversations that have resulted from national news stories like
the NFL domestic violence/Ray Rice fiasco and #gamergate. But it’s gone now.
Why? I deleted it after my sister sent me a link via text message. The caption
that came along with it? “I don’t even know where to start with this idiot.”
Now, this is not something that is out of the ordinary when it comes to
conversations that happen between the two of us. Normally it accompanies some
sort of picture depicting something exceedingly stupid. Instead, I got a
hyperlink to a post entitled “5 Reasons Why Girls with Tattoos and Piercings
are Broken.” Now, I could provide a link to it, and I will if someone requests
it, but I really don’t want to increase traffic on this site. What can be taken
away from the article? Well, according to its author, women…wait, no, sorry…“Chicks”
or “girls” or occasionally the c-word, which I never feel comfortable using…are
dull, narcissistic wastes of space unless they are performing various sex acts
or pleasing him in some other way. They are there to be eye candy, and anything
they do to diminish their appearance is offensive. They’re insane, narcissistic
Marxists one insult away from a breakdown. They are sluts. They are incapable
of planning ahead/taking care of themselves. They are selfish. They’re boring.
They’re mentally ill.
I read the entire article, hoping beyond hope that it was some sort of horrible parody gone wrong. Hoping that someone set out to write a funny article, but failed to make the humor apparent. As far as I can tell, it wasn’t a joke. This guy actually, to some degree, believes the ridiculous things he wrote. Then I stopped thinking rationally, and actually let myself be mad about it. Normally, I would write these things off. I would ignore them. I would realize that sometimes, people are insensitive jerks who care nothing about anyone other than themselves. I wasn’t able to do it this time. This article, which is now making the rounds on Facebook, was the final straw that broke what was left of my patience. Over the past month, I have seen women’s issues be poked fun at, pushed aside to address later, straight up ignored, and dismissed. I have seen people commenting on articles discussing the new domestic violence policies the NFL has put into place, calling the league the National Feminist League, and declaring the game for wimps and women because they took steps to address an issue that has gone without attention for far too long. I have watched and listened in fury as coworkers (women, not men) and even I have been criticized for not working enough, because we have to leave after working 8 hours to deal with personal commitments. I read comments on articles discussing #gamergate that are simply infuriating. I am at the point where all I can do is look at these things and think “How is it possible that we still face these issues? How is it possible these types of attitudes still exist? How do people not see that this is a problem?” I don’t have the answers. I don’t have a single response besides “people just suck.” I’m really hoping that someone else has some better ones.
I read the entire article, hoping beyond hope that it was some sort of horrible parody gone wrong. Hoping that someone set out to write a funny article, but failed to make the humor apparent. As far as I can tell, it wasn’t a joke. This guy actually, to some degree, believes the ridiculous things he wrote. Then I stopped thinking rationally, and actually let myself be mad about it. Normally, I would write these things off. I would ignore them. I would realize that sometimes, people are insensitive jerks who care nothing about anyone other than themselves. I wasn’t able to do it this time. This article, which is now making the rounds on Facebook, was the final straw that broke what was left of my patience. Over the past month, I have seen women’s issues be poked fun at, pushed aside to address later, straight up ignored, and dismissed. I have seen people commenting on articles discussing the new domestic violence policies the NFL has put into place, calling the league the National Feminist League, and declaring the game for wimps and women because they took steps to address an issue that has gone without attention for far too long. I have watched and listened in fury as coworkers (women, not men) and even I have been criticized for not working enough, because we have to leave after working 8 hours to deal with personal commitments. I read comments on articles discussing #gamergate that are simply infuriating. I am at the point where all I can do is look at these things and think “How is it possible that we still face these issues? How is it possible these types of attitudes still exist? How do people not see that this is a problem?” I don’t have the answers. I don’t have a single response besides “people just suck.” I’m really hoping that someone else has some better ones.
I hear your pain. My hope at the moment is that these people are just a small fringe minority who know how to use leverage the internet and social media to feel important. The vast majority of people surely think this is too stupid to take seriously. Maybe the tide will turn soon. There have been enough of these stories lately to make at least a few reasonable people pause.
ReplyDeleteYour experiences reflect well the frustration probably felt by many women. There have been many times where I have gone cold after reading the comment section of many articles. As awful as these discussions and events are, I think they are really a valuable challenge to us. There are an opportunity to voice our dissent and emphasize the unacceptable nature of their behavior. No, it is not okay for Ray Rice to punch out his girlfriend (I don't care how much she deserved it.) No, women/I am entitled to check out of work just like anyone else. No, death threats are never an option towards an opposing opinion.
ReplyDeleteWhile I think it is very painful to learn/experience these issues, it is more dangerous and detrimental not to talk about it. I'm afraid our silence will be interpreted as acceptance.
I'm sure we have all been here and will be again! It's amazing what comes out when people let their masks fall and think it is acceptable to think and act like this about women. One constant positive I remind myself about is I think there is a slow momentum building of feminists who are refusing to put up with this stuff on the internet. They are refusing to be silent about not only all these issues but having to take all of this insane flack for speaking up about these issues. I think for a while the attitude towards online discussions has one been of general acceptance of the misogyny expressed in the relatively more anonymous and low-stakes cyberspace is just the way it is. But I think women are slow starting to embrace the idea that just like in the physical world, they don't have to take this treatment online either. And that is frightening people who have been enjoying the privilege of abusing people online. Keep on defending yourself and other women! Keep on saying that this is not acceptable! Like TwoEs says, silence is often interpreted as agreement or defeat.
ReplyDelete