A Feminist Music Year in Review: according to BuzzFeed

Buzzfeed has posted a few articles regarding Feminism in 2014. I came across this article, and as someone who is always listening to music, I was surprised to have never heard of a good majority of these. Either I live under a rock, these songs are not really that famous, or maybe their "feminist message" is not ringing loud and clear. Let's take a look (BuzzFeed annotation, followed by mine in red)

1. Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj, “Flawless (Remix)” 15M+ views

Beyoncé’s feminist call to arms is even fiercer with a feature from Nicki Minaj. The two women take turns explaining all the ways they stay flawless in the face of constant gossip and hate. You can say what you want, Nicki and Bey know they’re the shit and they want everyone feel the same.
Girl-power lyric: “And you can say what you want / I’m the shit (what you want I’m the shit) / I’m the shit, I’m the shit, I’m the shit / I want everyone to feel like this.”

My take:  So this is the iconic song with Beyoncé standing proud as the definition of Feminism flashes behind her.  I love that. Awesome.  Not much room for discrepancy about what she is trying to say there.  I love this as an example of two powerful ladies (minority ladies at that) proving their success and using it to send a message.  A++++

However, I am totally confused by this genre.  I don't know what they are singing about for half the song: 

I'm with some flawless bitches because they be mobbin' pretty'

Cause niggas love bad bitches that be on they grizzly

Throw that ass back I be on my frisbee

Princess cut diamonds on my Disney

Rhyming on point, but I am totally lost.  However, the chorus is pretty clear:  I'm flawless.  You're flawless.  Women are flawless, let's get it done.  I can get behind that.

#GIRLBOSS Lessons from Chapter 2

Chapter 2: How I Became a #GIRLBOSS? 

In this chapter, Amoruso takes us through how she went from being an ID checker at a university to creating and running her company, Nasty Gal.  It's a good story to read if you are interested in fashion, online retail, and/or running an eBay business selling vintage clothes.  But I'm not going to get into her details of her story here.  You can read the book if you want to know all that.

Here are the more universal lessons I got from this chapter 
 

Drawing Strength from Other Women (and Men):

Throughout this chapter, Amoruso mention many other women who helped her and inspired her along her journey.  When she first started her eBay business, her mother helped her prepare garments and descriptions for listing (25).  She had several models, friends, model-friends, photographers help and believe in her as her business grew.  The name of her store was inspired by "legendary funk singer and wild woman Betty Davis" (22).  Amoruso describes her decision to name her shop out of homage to this woman:

"I thought I was just picking a name for an eBay store, but it turned out that I was actually infusing the entire brand with not only my spirit, bu the spirit of this incredible woman." (23)

Gender, Job Authority, and Depression

About two weeks ago a flurry of articles popped up regarding a new study showing evidence of increased depression in women holding positions of authority.  I found this idea intriguing but most of the news articles were short and vague (see USA Today, Washington Post, BBC News, CNN.)  To learn more, I looked up the original article:

Pudrovska, T. & Karraker, A. (2014). Gender, Job Authority, and Depression. Journal of Health and Social Behavior. 55 (4): 424-441  (Full digital copy of the article available here.)

Here is a brief summary:

The Research Issue: We know very little about how job authority (defined here as control over others' work-- hiring, firing, influencing pay) impacts different groups of workers.  This is particularly true regarding women vs. men.

The Theoretical Foundation: Having more job authority should reduce stress since it gives you more flexibility and control over your environment.  However, authority tends to match cultural ideals for men ("power, dominance, competitiveness, and ambition") but conflicts with cultural ideals for women ("nurturance, empathy, and attachment").  Given this "double bind," increased authority may increase stress for women rather than reduce it.

The Data and Methods:  The authors take advantage of a long-running longitudinal survey to provide data on individuals' depressive symptoms, socioeconomic characteristics, job characteristics, employment status, family status, and early life characteristics. They apply a range of sophisticated statistical models to the data to evaluate the relationships between these variables.

The Results:  The study's "main finding suggests that job authority decreases men's depression but increases women's depression." 

The Research Implications:  This is the first clear, quantitative evidence that job authority generates different health benefits and costs for men versus women.  While this research did not test the various mechanisms that might cause this ("the processes of identity, meaning, perception, and interpersonal dynamics"), it provides a foundation for further research.

My thoughts:

Biological Gender Differences?!?!?! When I first saw the women-leadership-depression headlines I was worried.  Did the finding mean women somehow can't cope with authority because of some biological temperament problem?  The authors do not address this interpretation in their paper, especially since their research is identifying a phenomenon, not its causes.  However, they provide a lot of discussion and cite other research showing how the conflicting social and cultural pressures facing women in leadership positions are likely to cause stress and depression.  More research is needed, but this study does not declare that women are unequal to men in capabilities.

Well . . . this is obvious! To some degree this research seems obvious in hindsight.  Of course people operating under conflicting standards will be stressed!  I know I've heard personal accounts of this from professional women in my life.  However, having concrete, systematic evidence of this phenomena is an important step in understanding it and hopefully addressing it.

Generational Differences?  Because the survey data focused on a cohort of individuals born in 1939, the findings might not be identical for later generations of women working in possibly more progressive environments.  The survey was also limited to whites, so there could be difference for other racial groups.  It will be interesting to track any follow-up research to see if cultural standards have relaxed over time.

Practical Implications? Acknowledging the conflicting standards (manly authority vs. womanly empathy) could be an important improvement for women in leadership positions, if only to explain the emotional strain these women likely encounter.  It may also provide a foundation for a range of new "policies and interventions . . . aimed at minimizing psychological costs and increasing the nonpecuniary rewards of job authority among women."

Setting Expectations for Babies

I don't know about you, but it seems like a lot of people I know are having babies.  Three people I know have given birth in the past several months; another couple I know found out they were expecting a few months ago . . . baby to arrive in February.

One thing that has surprised me about all of these couples: they ALL decided to find out the sex of the child before it was born.

I find this both surprising and alarming.  On one hand, we are allegedly living in a time and a place where we are open-minded, egalitarian, and unbiased about gender . . . so parents should not care whether they are having a boy or a girl (and I'm sure if I asked them they would say the would be delighted with either) and having that information should not have any significant bearing on the pregnancy or getting ready for the child arrival.  This is why I am surprised when so many parents opt to find out in advance.  (Some parents even throw 'gender reveal' parties for friends to announce what sort of genitals their kid is expected to have . . . thankfully none of my friends did this to my knowledge.)

The Mystical "Cool Girl"

Even if you have not read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn or seen the recent film adaptation, you are probably familiar with the term "cool girl."  Since Flynn's description of a Cool Girl as narrated by the main character Amy is perfection, I will repost it below:

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl. 

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, co-workers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I'd want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who'd like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them.

Many articles have surfaced up since the advent of the book/movie (BuzzFeed, Telegraph, Jezebel) discussing whether the cool girl is a mythical male fantasy, a real personality, or just a phase. A few of the BuzzFeed comments vehemently expressed their dislike for the concept, stating that they like doing all the above mentioned activities and that does not make them a bad person.  Unfortunately, these individuals have missed the point. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having "non-feminine" hobbies, activities, or qualities. Actually, that is pretty cool (pun intended).  The crowning quality of a Cool Girl is "never, ever getting pissed off " (Telegraph).

A Cool Girl is the ultimate low-maintenance female with a complete lack of expression and emotional need.  As the writer from the Telegraph relates, "It makes her two-dimensional and subservient ... Pretty soon I felt like a very understanding doormat."  The Cool Girl creates a constant aura of indifference and feigned nonchalance and ultimate submission to the men she entertains.  All energy is invested in obtaining this Cool Girl Status and attention. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being cool; there is an absence of self worth and independence that surrounds the Cool Girl.  As a former-Cool-Girl shares, "When you are chasing after qualities that you do not possess (but qualities you think a guy would want), you have decided on some level that you just don't cut it.  You feel a need to put on this song and dance, because you feel like the Real You doesn't deserve love." 

The Jezebel exploration of the Cool Girl poses her as a phase in the development of a woman.  

I think she's a perfect role to inhabit in your twenties when you're unsure of yourself (and who isn't?), trying on identities for size still, still working out your needs and how to get them met, and likely running with a pack of dudes who value such hedonistic detachment. I think a Cool Girl offers a way of moving through the world with protective armor over the girl you still are and the woman you're yet to become, while still courting all the adoration and fawning we're taught to hold so dear.

I take issue with this point of view.  First, it legitimizes the Cool Girl as a necessary fact of life.  A Cool Girl is unrealistic, unbalanced, unhealthy... she is not a persona to try on and have fun.  Being a Cool Girl is an awful experience, meeting almost none of your actual needs and erasing your personality.  It also legitimizes and emphasizes the pursuit of superficial, meaningless lust and desire.  Women want appreciation and sincere attention way more than a "pack of dudes." Furthermore, the author implies that a Cool Girl is the one and only way to receive attention and desire.  This is the exact irony of the Cool Girl persona and her portrayal in the media. Personally, I have always found successful, passionate, expressive people who enjoy life quite desirable. Understanding doormats?  Not so much. The article concludes saying that women tend to grow up and "mellow" out as time goes on. They suppose that no Cool Girls exist beyond the age of 30.  I also tend to disagree with that; the tendency to mimic the Cool Girl and her nonchalance in the pursuit of approval spans all age groups.  

Additionally, why is the foil of the Cool Girl someone who is "mellow" and "settled?"  I would propose that escaping the Cool Girl is actually the opposite: the growth of personality, desire, and expression.  How much more mellow can you become while attempting to be the ultimate low-maintenance girlfriend?  I have no intention of mellowing into another stereotype as I grow older.

Ultimately, I have not been able to truly identify whether the Cool Girl exists, is a phase, or a trope.  However, I absolutely agree with the Hello Giggles definition of the Cool Girl as a trap:

And the concept of the Cool Girl is so pervasive that sometimes you don’t even realize you’re doing it. You grow up watching movie after movie, TV show after TV show, where female characters are essentially props to further the guys’ story. You are told in not-so-subtle terms that this is what guys find attractive, and you hear the men around you when they wholeheartedly agree. So you go into the dating world hoping to be the Manic Pixie Dream Girl or the Hot Girl from Afar, the Cool Girl, but never, ever, You.

Instead, we need to recognize just how easy it is to fall into the Cool Girl trap, and what it says about our culture that this archetype is so prevalent and so powerful. Perhaps it’s time to call out writers who veer back to this overused trope. Perhaps we can focus all that energy we once used to be the Cool Girl – or to hate her – and channel it towards a new definition of “cool,” one that is synonymous with being yourself.

I know I stray into the Cool Girl trap, searching for instantaneous attention and affection. Sometimes I believe that she is the only way to warrant attention and desire. Sometimes I am an understanding doormat.  Not surprisingly, it is quite ineffective in fulfilling my emotional needs.  Throughout all these articles, it is unclear if the Cool Girl is really what men want... Are attractive men really interested in long term relationships with understanding doormats with the right list of superficial characteristics? I think attractive men are most attracted to you.  Let us put the Cool Girl in box of mystical creatures with the unicorns (and not narwhals) and spend more time demanding what we deserve from life.