On Display. Existing While Female

I suppose this is sort of a follow up to my last post on Zumba.  I stumbled across a series of videos by Petra Collins (for BB Dakota) called Making Space.  They are basically the kind of short film I tried to make in college, except much better.

I'm not sure that I love Collins' work completely, or if I am just saying that because I'm super jealous of her for being so successful and so young, but I found the series of videos fascinating.  They invite me to reflect on the female body and how to find freedom in it.

The series focuses on high school girls in the south who, in their own ways, are all involved with dance.  As we watch the girls dance and smile and move in front of the camera, we listen to their thoughts on their art, their bodies, their relationships with other girls, and their thoughts on the future. 

I was especially drawn to the first part of the series.  The girls are beautiful, and they remind us that wisdom comes from all ages.  "How can somebody who likes me, make me feel so bad?" one girl questions.  Yes, why do we teach our girls to accept any male attention as something they should accept and appreciate?  Why do we teach them to love abuse?



The images are simultaneously real and yet also dreamy as we often watch the girls dance and move in slow motion, while listening to their open, honest voices.  It invites us to watch their bodies, but in a way that invites appreciation (rather than appraisal) and also teases out the girls' strength and their lack of shame or apology for their bodies being visible.  We get to witness the infinite possibilities of movement from an infinite number of body shapes and sizes.  This feels liberating and new to me.

Guilt, Fear, and Resolve

Last month, I wrote about my transformation to the liberation perspective after viewing several panel discussions presented at the All About Women Festival 2015.  Since then, I've been stewing on another major theme from the event: how the patriarchal system does not allow women an equal voice in our society.  For a long time, when I thought about the public discourse, I joined a lot of people in thinking, how bad could it be? Or, sticks-and-stones . . . just ignore it. Or, they have chosen to be in the public eye, they must be okay with it.

But then I watched "What I Couldn't Say," where female panelists shared very personal accounts of how their voices were silenced when they spoke up about injustice.  I also watched Stop the trolls: Women fight online harassment, and again saw the personal toll suffered by women who dare to exist.

After seeing these accounts, I have not been able to shake a profound sense of guilt that I didn't understand their experience; that I assumed they were okay with it; that they persevere in silence without the support they need; that I might benefit from their struggle without supporting them in return; that my inaction perpetuates their suffering.

I have also grown more fearful about contributing to the public discourse.  What would we do if the trolls find this blog?  If the online mob attacks us with single minded focus?  If they threaten and our families unceasingly?

Nevertheless, since the harassment demonstrates the profound injustices resulting from a patriarchal system, these accounts have also given me a stronger sense of resolve.  If I am privileged enough to have a voice to be attacked, only imagine the lives of those who do not.  I am only more committed to bringing about the liberation.  I will support groups that fight for change and I will engage those think otherwise.

Liberating Myself through Zumba

In the fall, I did something I had never done before.  I started taking Zumba classes at the gym.  Being in situations where I don't know the proper code of conduct and etiquette REALLY stressed me out.  And I'm also an introvert.  And I'm also extremely self-conscious of not being good at things.

But I started going to Zumba anyway because it was something that looked fun, and I am trying to do more things that challenge me and overcome all those petty fears and self-doubt.  I discovered that I really LOVE Zumba!

I don't love Zumba because I really good at it.  I'm not.  There any many people that are better at it than I am.  But being in Zumba classes with different women, the same women, and the random male who occasionally shows up has helped me form a new frame of mind towards my body and the bodies of other women.  Here are some things Zumba has shown me and helped me experience: