In Re: [Mother's Name]

By Jen

In September I began working for the Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) in Texas. I was probably a little too excited to be starting a state job. I was very enthusiastic about the training process, but I'm sure the overburdened bureaucracy will get to me sooner rather than later. For a few months now I've been imagining writing a piece about how child protection policies here in Texas treat mothers in cases of abuse and neglect.

One of the most striking pieces of the training was in the seemingly most mundane aspect of the job: documentation and record creation.  For today, I'll focus on one bit policy which is assigning a "case name" for a case of abuse or neglect on a child.

The DFPS rule on giving a case a name is that the mother's name is the default name assigned to the case. To be clear, having a case named "Jett, Joan," for example, does not mean that the "alleged perpetrator" of the abuse in the case is going to be Ms. Jett. Using the mother's name is one way the state attempts to distinguish one case from other cases.

During training I tried to swallow this little bit of departmental policy and chase it with a tall glass of water. Still the idea continues to nag at me as I ask the question over and over again everyday: What is the name of the mother of the child? The mother's name may be made the official name of a case even if she is incarcerated and some other family member is caring for the child(ren).

It's not that there aren't exceptions to this rule. For example, the name of a case would change to a foster parent's name if a child had been removed from a home and adopted by a new family. However, even in this case, the name of the case would Foster mother's name. The name used to identify the case of abuse or neglect will also change if some other relative or person has gone through the process of legally obtaining guardianship of the child.

I've tried to see the logical side of this policy decision: the overwhelming statistical evidence of female headed, single parent households or all of the fraught history of preference of the mother in child custody warfare. And, certainly, those examples work to create the context in which the decision was made to stamp every TX Child protective Services case with "MOTHER." But I cannot help but be bothered by the decision to take the mother's name the distinguishing mark of the case. Shouldn't a case number suffice?

In any case, I hope to continue to explore social and protective policy issues in future posts. I hope there's an audience for it here!

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

I was really surprised to see this article on the Australian television series Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries.  Primarily I was surprised because a mainstream blog had developed an entire article to one of the obscure costume dramas that only people who subscribe to Acorn TV seem to know about. 

(Note:  Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries is a murder mystery show set in Australia in the 1920s.  It features a firebrand flapper/female detective who helps the police solve murders, whether they want her to help or not!)

I tend not to read netflix reviews, but it is a bit disappointing that people are still so narrow-minded.  Actually one of the first things I was pleasantly surprised to find in this series, was a female PI who philandered as much as much as all the male PIs.  It is a little bit unbelievable for an unmarried woman in the twenties, but also a bit believable (it's the twenties!) and more importantly, more fun . . . this is fiction after all!  The show is light, upbeat, fashionable, and refreshingly devoid of slut-shaming characters . . . too bad that the audience seems to be making up for that last point and missing out on all the other good stuff!

In particular all these shallow Netflix reviewers are missing out on a show that has not only a great female character, but a bunch of great female characters and a great community in which these female characters can go about their business.  The women in this show do not fall into the old stereotypes of judging each other and being 'catty.'  Rather they support each other and try to stand up for each other, even when they don't really understand each other or agree with each other.  For example, Miss Fisher's right-hand girl Dot, doesn't really agree with her carefree lifestyle, but she tries not to judge and see all the great things about Miss Fisher and is grateful for her friendship, mentorship, and protection.  She even takes a page out of Miss Fisher's book when her priest tells her she needs to dump her Protestant boyfriend (Ack! Kissing Protestants! The horror!).  Miss Fisher and Dot in turn help many other women, not by judging them and shaming them, but by just facing the facts and helping to stop suffering and injustice as best they can.

These two are supported by a cast of equally accepting male characters: Miss Fisher's stodgy but dreamy police Inspector, Dot's Protestant police constable, their reliable housekeeper Mr. Butler, and two handymen.  These men recognize these women as being somewhat anomalous but try their best to understand their unique ways and support them in their quests for justice.

But finally, the other great thing about this series is that it showcase women's history in a refreshing way, in that it actually shows women lives.  I love costume dramas but am continually frustrated by them because so often lazy writers seem to thing that prior to WWII (if you are lucky) women were either mothers or prostitutes.  I know that career opportunities have historically been limited for women, but they seriously still did manage to do other things than be burdened by children or have sex with men for money (and no, managing a brothel does not count!).  This show actually shows women doing other things!  Perhaps a lady detective is a bit of stretch, but in this show women serve as domestic help, women work in factories, women are nurses and physicians, women write for women's periodicals, women manage companies, women run schools, women manage cocaine smuggling rings, women are performers, women are part of the communist movement, women are pickpockets . . . and that is only about half way through the first season.  It is refreshing to see women's history sneaking onto the screen!

Some other television series that I've been enjoying for this reason: Bomb Girls (Canadian), Land Girls (UK), The Hour (UK), Call the Midwife (UK).  I don't mean to imply by this list that there are no American shows that do this, I just watch a lot of British stuff.

If anyone has any suggestions of what to add to this list please let me know!

In Class: Infant and Child Education

I am currently taking a course on Infant and Child development here at school.  We've been discussing physical, emotional and cognitive development throughout the semester, but I want to relate a quick blurb from today's discussion.

Topic: Autobiographical Memory
Definition: representations of one-time events that are long-lasting because they are imbued with personal meaning.
Notes on the slide:

• Parents help develop narrative
• Girls usually better organized, detailed
  

Interesting!  The way parents interact with their children directs how children narrate and what topics they choose to include.  But why, specifically, are girls more organized and more detailed when describing their autobiographical memories than boys?  Is it just (a) girls are so much better than boys, (b) girls develop this particular type of mental representations faster than males, or (c) something I have not thought of yet?

I am not a big fan of my teacher, so I bring along my textbook to complement the bland slides and anecdotes. Thus, I quickly skimmed the page for the relevant information.  It says here in the book:

"These differences fit with variations in parent-child conversations.  Parents reminisce in greater detail and talk more about the emotional significance of events with daughters."

However, instead of sharing this fascinating fact, our teacher asks the class why this might be so.  She basically ends up saying it was attributable to the fact that girls like to gossip more.  Girls like to talk and share details, even if they have already told/heard the story before.

I am very disappointed.  The original concept is very intriguing.  To repeat myself: the way parents interact with their children directs how children narrate and what topics they choose to include. Parents help enforce societal norms and focus development from day one.

But what did I leave the class with?  A stereotype... girls are good storytellers because they gossip more than boys.

Poop Trenches

I drove home from work for a while worrying about what I would write about for my first post on this blog. Then one day, I drove home knowing exactly what I was going to write about.

I sat in a meeting that day, in a room with three other women. We were discussing the particulars for a project I had to complete. At one point in the meeting, one of the women said, “Hey, it could be worse. We could be outside, digging poop trenches.” I responded by saying, “Sometimes, I would rather be doing that.” I don’t think they took me seriously.

The thing is, I was serious. While I sometimes appreciate the fact that my job requires me to sit at a desk for the majority of the workweek, there are days where I struggle with it. I often have to convince myself that what I’m doing makes a tiny difference in the world. That the webinar I’m helping my company advertise will actually help the lawyers at non-profits that we’re trying to reach fight harder for the things in which they believe. That day in the meeting, I realized that sometimes I would rather be digging “poop trenches.” I sat in that meeting and thought about the struggles that women throughout the world face on a daily basis just by trying to get clean water. The risks they face when they’re forced to use non-potable water. All that for something that is considered by the UN as a basic human right.

So no, digging poop trenches isn’t glamorous, but sometimes I’d rather be doing that than sitting in a chair staring at a computer screen, doing nothing. Wouldn’t you?

Rebel against sexism

I could write pages and pages of adoring commentary about Janelle Monae and what a role model she is for women, minorities, musicians, artists, etc. Instead, I thought I would post this video and let her speak for herself:

If you don't know this woman you should. And boy, can she dance.

Lisa

Disregarding Gender Stereotypes

Society finds refuge in stereotypes because it provides a safe-zone where you aren’t required to really know someone as an individual and can instead fill in the gaps with prefabricated ideas. Stereotypes are efficient – they are time-savers.  As hard as certain portions of society fight against stereotyping, its allure is stronger than ever in this technologically-driven world where the pursuit of self-gratification, endless efficiency, and the now-dubiously categorized “friends” is tantamount. Most people simply don’t have the time – or don’t make the time – to stop, converse, and truly try to understand the other human beings around them.

Perhaps because I grew up between cultures and, inevitably, was always perceived as Other, I have never felt bound to my stereotypically defined roles. As a child and adolescent I grew up surrounded by “Third Culture” individuals: people who, like me, had lived in different places, had been disassociated from their native country, and had turned into something new that belonged within no national boundaries. It was a space where people held on to a vague sense of nationality but in the end embraced a larger, more inclusive, sense of self. Not being trapped within these confines meant that anything was possible.

I have always done what has interested me and, as I have discovered recently, this has made me very difficult to categorize. By inadvertently defying categorization, I have triggered many different responses in people – ranging from an interest to pursue non-conventional hobbies to a pro-stereotyping defensive stance. Over the past few months, it has been brought to my attention that my combined interests in fashion (borderline shopaholic) and martial arts are simply inconceivable. For the most part, the negative reactions have come due to a perceived threat to masculinity. I never have pursued something because of a specified gender convention and the idea that practicing a martial art can be a threat to someone’s masculinity seems irrational. Is a man who can sew or dance ballet threatening to my femininity? No.

From the comments I have heard, it seems like my martial hobbies would be more acceptable if I were a “masculine” woman – whatever that means. This makes me feel that challenging gender norms is usually perceived as objectionable but that if other stereotyping conventions can come into play, it can be tolerable. However, if stereotyping is completely unhelpful in building a perception of an individual, than the gender-defying activity is seen as increasingly unacceptable. This reaction points to an overall reliance on stereotypes in “creating” the people we meet. Ultimately, the stereotype allows someone to not spend time meeting another person, but instead makes them feel an immediate familiarity with everyone they encounter. In essence stereotyping allows for each individual to construct their own reality that does not truly mirror the actual world they inhabit.

For more information about what a Third Culture individual is check out this website: http://www.denizenmag.com/third-culture-kid/

Revisiting our "innate" abilities

In recent months, I've been trying things I'd always assumed I'd fail at.  To my surprise, I haven't come out that badly and I've started to wonder two things: 1) why did I think I couldn't do this and 2) what else can I do?

Apparently, I'm not alone.  Back in the 1980s, researcher Carol Dweck did a series of studies and found that girls tend to give up when given new and complex tasks.  They give up because they "believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable."  This is compared to boys who assume they can do anything, they just need to work on it (see this article for a quick summary).

When I first read about this, I was relieved but also a bit embarrassed.  First the relieved: suddenly my assumptions about my skills made sense!  Most of the things I assumed I couldn't do could be traced back to a bad experience in elementary or middle school:

• 5th Grade: When I somehow got the courage to "audition" for the school's special chorus, and was the first person selected to sing Frosty the Snowman (without accompaniment) . . . in front of 40 other children, I cracked and was immediately cut off.  A horrible thing to do to a 5th grader? Yes!!! Irrefutable evidence that I shouldn't bother trying to sing?  Obviously!
• 8th Grade: When given 15 minutes in class to come up with story from the perspective of an apple (with no other instruction or guidance), and I came up with nothing while another girl read her cute little story . . . Terrible English teacher? Yes!!  Evidence that I just don't have the stuff to be a creative writer? Again, obviously yes!

We all have these stories and looking back, I realize that of course I can do these things as long as I work at it (blog posting not excluded).  But my childhood self just said, "Okay, that's off the list then." 

Now for why I reacted to this knowledge with embarrassment.  Much of this research focuses on girls and learning math (or science).  However, math was never a problem in my household.  My parents always made it clear that we could do math and learn science, but we'd have to work on it.  This seemed so obvious, if annoying, and I learned the math.  But parent's can't be everywhere and couldn't know that my little mind wouldn't extend that wisdom to singing, creative writing, or whatever else I decided I couldn't do after one or two attempts.  Hence my embarrassment.  I always knew (in theory) that everything is possible with hard work, but I still automatically assumed certain things were impossible after limited experience.

So where does this leave us?  Ultimately, we are responsible for our adult lives and while I can despise that music teacher for the rest of my life, if I want to sing for the Metropolitan Opera it is up to me to get there.  Similarly, the 4th grade teacher who told me I couldn't write the next Star Wars franchise was an idiot, but it's up to me to learn how to write a novel.

I also wonder how many women had dreams they abandoned in 4th grade because they assumed they didn't have the innate ability to achieve it.  What did you want to do when you were ten?  Did you make assumptions that might not be true?  What would it really take to get there?

Morghan

Magazines and Photoshop... What is the point?

BuzzFeed is an awesome place. It is usually just hilariously entertaining, but occasionally it really hits the gold mine.  Recently, I saw the title on twitter and later sat down to watch the very short (37 sec) video.  37 seconds says EVERYTHING:

Watch Photoshop Transform This "Average" Woman Into A Real-Life Barbie In 37 Seconds

This video, created by GlobalDemocracy.com, is part of a campaign that would make publications include disclaimers if models have been significantly airbrushed or Photoshopped.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/maycie/powerful-video-shows-what-photoshop-can-do

There is not really anything for me to say.  The woman at the end is, of course, very attractive, but we cannot even attain that physical shape or beauty!  Why do we continue to show altered pictures in magazines, newspapers and Facebook that portray a life that is not physically, humanly possible? Defying logic a bit here.

I am guilty of it too.  Airbrush here, teeth whiten there, throw a filter on.  It seems simple, harmless, but where do we cross the line?  It is this kind of non-realistic expectations that cause women to want plastic surgery and develop eating disorders and depression.

Watch that last gif again (BuzzFeed allows you to watch it on infinite loop).  Is this normal?  If so, why do we accept this as normal?

Are you a feminist?

L posted an article a few days ago "The Many Misguided Reasons Famous Ladies Say 'I'm not a feminist'" and I've reflected on it a bit knowing that my first post was due for this blog.

"Are you a feminist?" is an ever popular question for the leading ladies of our culture, one that I find tedious knowing that the term "feminist" does not mean the same thing to everyone. Many view the word negatively, and despite visibly demonstrating pro-feminist stances refuse to allow themselves to be labelled as such.

I spent 27 months living in Ghana, West Africa as an environmental volunteer for the Peace Corps. There I met and befriended the most fiercely independent women that I will most likely ever meet. Feminism exists on a completely different level in Ghana. These women rule their families and their communities all in an effort to survive and better their lives. Being a feminist isn't a choice, it's a way of life. It is life. And believe it or not, Ghana is miles ahead of the USA in terms of equality for women. But more on that another time.

I never discussed feminism with my Ghanaian friends because I never had to. Now, hearing the female "role models" of our culture reject feminism both scares and worries me especially during these strange political times.

Through this blog I'd like to explore feminism on all levels, but first I thought it best to question how feminism exists in our culture and why the question "Are you a feminist?" receives so many mixed answers.

Lisa

Article Response, on Women artists owning their artistry

Last week I stumbled upon this article from The Guardian where 2013 Man Booker-prize winner Eleanor Catton speaks briefly about the unfair treatment of female writers.

Note: it's quick read for those interested in Catton, literature and women writers, but you can probably skip it.  I'm going to quote the relevant part. Catton says:

"I have observed that male writers tend to get asked what they think and women what they feel.  In my experience, and that of a lot of other women writers, all of the questions coming at them from interviewers tend to be about how lucky they are to be where they are – about luck and identity and how the idea struck them. The interviews much more seldom engage with the woman as a serious thinker, a philosopher, as a person with preoccupations that are going to sustain them for their lifetime."

Reading this reminded me of a recent(ish) quote from Mindy Kaling about how interviewers are always eager to present her as a token marginalized person who has anomalously experienced success:

"But while I’m talking about why I’m so different, white male show runners get to talk about their art."

I agree with Catton and Kaling that female artists' success and bodies of work are frequently showcased in such limited and surface manners, often highlighting luck, coincidence, or the inexplicable 'magic' of talent or natural ability.  It so often seems like a fairy tale, where fate happened to them and somehow it all worked out happily ever after, but probably not primarily through their own agency.  A story highlighting that these women work really hard, manage/lead incredible projects, and are serious thinkers, as Catton puts it, putting the work, thought, intelligence and skill into their art (just like men) never seems to make it into the forefront of these stories and articles.

Lean In: A Mini Review

Since TwoEsforMee started us off with Sheryl Sandberg and her Lean In campaign, and I just finished the Lean In audiobook, I thought I'd use my first post as a mini book review/commentary.

Final verdict: Important message but flawed vehicle. 

Lean In: Women, Work,and the Will to Lead

by Sheryl Sandberg

Published: 2013

Audiobook read by Eliza Donovan

As the author describes early in her book, there are two broad approaches to the women in the workplace issue.  I will call them the institutional perspective and the leadership perspective.  The institutional perspective tends to highlight the systemic barriers facing women: sexism, inadequate childcare and/or maternity leave, inflexible scheduling, etc.  For a recent paper from this perspective, see Anne-Marie Slaughter's "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" in the July/August 2012 issue of The Atlantic magazine.

Sandberg acknowledges this approach but focuses on the leadership perspective.  Based on her personal experience she writes from the perspective that little will change unless women are in positions to make those changes.  While our society and institutions don't support us yet, we shouldn't just give up.  With this in mind, she offers strategies to work through difficulties and reach leadership positions in our careers. 

Here are some of the main points:

• There are many behaviors women employ that can sabotage their journeys: keeping a low profile (sit at the table), avoiding risk (what would you do if you weren't afraid), passing on opportunities based on very long-term plans (don't leave before you leave).
• There are communication strategies that can help navigate the sometimes-hostile professional world.
• Life partners can and should be life partners, especially with housework, childcare, etc.
• We have unrealistic expectations for motherhood, housekeeping, and career perfection.
• We should be able to talk about women's issues.

While these points are valuable, I will admit to being disappointed with the work.  Part of this comes from the my own bias and the audio version probably offered a different experience than reading the book myself.  For example, the reader they chose for the audiobook sounded very cutesy, so I had a hard time taking the content seriously (sexism 1, feminism 0).  I also reacted badly to a women sounding pushy and touting herself, which was one of her points about society's reaction to women in leadership . . . embarrassing but lesson learned.

Despite these problems on my part, I still think the book has flaws.  It offers an introduction to many of the issues facing women in the workplace, but the book's organization is haphazard and its content thin in many respects.  Too many anecdotes and not enough research for my taste.   The author would have done better to condense her material into a strong article or to collect more research to strengthen the book's content.  Sandberg's message-- you can do it, don't give up -- is very important (I was quite depressed after reading Anne-Marie Slaughter's article) but her book is a bit of a mess.

Looking forward to your hate mail, I mean your thoughtful discussion . . .

Morghan

#NotAfraid

Recently,I was reading through my roommate’s Cosmo (not everyone’s favorite magazine, I know), and I came across a little piece about Sheryl Sandberg and her company LeanIn.  I’m still not quite sure what her company is because I was too lazy to read the article, but I AM really intrigued by their “Not Afraid” Campaign.
 
Featured on http://ifuwerentafraid.tumblr.com is their definition (excerpt shown here) and an introductory video:
 

Women, in particular, hold themselves back by fear of the unknown: fear of failure, fear of speaking up, fear of being judged.
Why do we harbor so much fear? Why, as we enter the workforce in droves, as we graduate with higher GPAs, as we flourish in so many parts of our lives, are we so afraid?
Part of leaning in is about overcoming our fears to pursue our ambitions — whatever those may be. This blog is about putting those fears out there.  It’s about saying them out loud and sharing them with others. It’s about holding them up on a sign — and then challenging ourselves to overcome them.
We hope the women on this blog will inspire you to ask yourself, ‘What would I do if I weren’t afraid?’ And then to go and do it.

Some women’s posts fall into the career category:
"I want to be able to stay focused enough to accomplish my goals no matter how challenging they may be or how long they will take to reach. I want to be able to feel like I am worthy enough to choose a profession like Clinical Pharmacy and not let the voices of my past belittle my ambitions."
 
Or letting their personality show:
Tiffany: “If I weren’t afraid, I would ask more questions and speak up.”
 
Or work towards crossing those things off their bucket list:
Jessica, : “I would travel the world.”
 
After scrolling through many of the pictures, I feel inspired.  Not only are these women defining (and publishing) their fears, they are on their way to defeating them! However, the question that rises to my mind is:
 
Who and what am I afraid of? What are we women battling against?
 
I have come up with three groups: society, our peers and ourselves.  As mentioned in the video, gender differences start early.  Young male boys are named “leaders,” while young females are considered “bossy” when completing the same behaviors.  Society defines our gender roles and the limits of each sex. The beauty of this initiative is that women are defying these limits.  Society may say women are inferior, but I am going to start my own business or  I am going to ask for equal pay.  They can lead the way for other women to follow.
 
However, other women portray a different aspect of the equation, their greatest fear being themselves.  One woman writes about her decision to finally return to her natural, unprocessed hair.  Now that she has faced herself and the realities of her identity, she explains that she has come to love it! That fear of failure or change can stem from deep within; these women have come to confront it, they are no longer dominated by their own self limitations or doubts!
 
The last component is our peers.  We are often afraid of other people’s perceptions of us.  Did Tiffany (mentioned above) avoid speaking up because she was afraid other people would think she was bossy or too aggressive?  Did another blogger hide her successes because she was afraid of her friend’s jealousy?  I think an important take-away message from the blog is not only to embrace yourself, defy silly societal rules, but also to give a big thumbs up to that girl you see facing her fears!  Instead of judging Tiffany for speaking up about mismanagement, give her a high five!  Tell the woman with her “new,” all-natural hair that she is rockin’ it!
 
One woman in the video said this about facing her fears, “ Its scary, but I think I am going to be okay.”
 
Imagine how “okay” it will be when you are #notafraid and all your friends are there supporting you too.

-TwoEsforMee