Featured on http://ifuwerentafraid.tumblr.com is their definition (excerpt shown here) and an introductory video:
Women, in particular, hold themselves back by fear of the unknown: fear of failure, fear of speaking up, fear of being judged.
Why do we harbor so much fear? Why, as we enter the workforce in droves, as we graduate with higher GPAs, as we flourish in so many parts of our lives, are we so afraid?
Part of leaning in is about overcoming our fears to pursue our ambitions — whatever those may be. This blog is about putting those fears out there. It’s about saying them out loud and sharing them with others. It’s about holding them up on a sign — and then challenging ourselves to overcome them.
We hope the women on this blog will inspire you to ask yourself, ‘What would I do if I weren’t afraid?’ And then to go and do it.
Some women’s posts fall into the career category:
"I want to be able to stay focused enough to accomplish my goals no matter how challenging they may be or how long they will take to reach. I want to be able to feel like I am worthy enough to choose a profession like Clinical Pharmacy and not let the voices of my past belittle my ambitions."
Or letting their personality show:
Tiffany: “If I weren’t afraid, I would ask more questions and speak up.”
Or work towards crossing those things off their bucket list:
Jessica, : “I would travel the world.”
After scrolling through many of the pictures, I feel inspired. Not only are these women defining (and publishing) their fears, they are on their way to defeating them! However, the question that rises to my mind is:
Who and what am I afraid of? What are we women battling against?
I have come up with three groups: society, our peers and ourselves. As mentioned in the video, gender differences start early. Young male boys are named “leaders,” while young females are considered “bossy” when completing the same behaviors. Society defines our gender roles and the limits of each sex. The beauty of this initiative is that women are defying these limits. Society may say women are inferior, but I am going to start my own business or I am going to ask for equal pay. They can lead the way for other women to follow.
However, other women portray a different aspect of the equation, their greatest fear being themselves. One woman writes about her decision to finally return to her natural, unprocessed hair. Now that she has faced herself and the realities of her identity, she explains that she has come to love it! That fear of failure or change can stem from deep within; these women have come to confront it, they are no longer dominated by their own self limitations or doubts!
The last component is our peers. We are often afraid of other people’s perceptions of us. Did Tiffany (mentioned above) avoid speaking up because she was afraid other people would think she was bossy or too aggressive? Did another blogger hide her successes because she was afraid of her friend’s jealousy? I think an important take-away message from the blog is not only to embrace yourself, defy silly societal rules, but also to give a big thumbs up to that girl you see facing her fears! Instead of judging Tiffany for speaking up about mismanagement, give her a high five! Tell the woman with her “new,” all-natural hair that she is rockin’ it!
One woman in the video said this about facing her fears, “ Its scary, but I think I am going to be okay.”
Imagine how “okay” it will be when you are #notafraid and all your friends are there supporting you too.
-TwoEsforMee
I think you are right, it is important to think about why women are afraid. Women are afraid of retaliation and ostracism (with good reason) when they do things against the grain or are non-compliant or defy people's expectations for how women are "supposed to be." But it is very helpful to name those fears and share those fears with other women because there is a strength in knowing you are not alone. We all really need to work together (or at least in tandem) to making thing better for everyone AND ourselves. I think people and women especially do often underestimate their own strength/bravery and that of others sometimes to! I also think there is something so powerful about someone saying: It's going to be scary, and that's ok. It's ok to be scared, ambitious, outspoken, whatever . . . but women are so often no allowed to say that.
ReplyDeleteI wonder to what extent women are inherently more risk-averse vs. responding to societal pressures/expectations? I tend to think I naturally dislike risk, but perhaps I'm just crushed by societal expectations? Is that why they fill elementary schools with "role model" posters. See! Women can take risks! Somehow that's never been very compelling. An open dialogue approach that supports prepared risk-taking seems much more productive.
ReplyDeleteI think a big part of it is that the consequences of taking risks are so often much worse for women than men, but no one considers this when making sweeping generalizations about gender difference. And also, as I said, I think there is less support for women/girls to take risks; they don't feel that it is ok for them do daring "risky" things. Also I think that especially for our American society, this is issue of representing your whole gender when to attempt something, so that when/if you fail you are worried that your are failing ALL WOMANKIND and that you'll have just reinforced in anti-feminist men that ALL WOMANKIND can't do whatever you were trying to do.
ReplyDeleteYeah, reach for the stars . . . but don't do anything unseemly, and if you miss everyone will see that women can't actually get there. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHow did we get here? How did we get to the point where anytime a woman achieves a milestone it becomes "Woman achieves something"? I don't think that's what the women's movement was going for.
I am now following this tumblr. Thank you for this!
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