Small Acts of Social Media Feminism

Act 1: Anger

I'd never thought of anger as a feminist topic, but as the Guilty Feminist co-hosts and their guest discussed their experiences being angry while female (Episode 14, see my previous post), I understood.  It was impossible to listen to Deborah Francis-White's moving monologue expressing her anger following the Brexit vote without being inspired to execute my own feminist anger proclamation.

After spending weeks fuming about the misogyny erupting everywhere in response to the new Ghostbusters movie, I decided to go there and make a public statement about my anger.  I almost qualified my Facebook post to say I was "sad" or "disappointed," but no.  I was angry and I said so:

 

Act 2: The Mansplainer

A few weeks later, the ladies over at The Guilty Feminist were discussing Speech (Episode 18).  Their experiences with mansplaining and society's complete disregard for female perspectives was damning.  That episode was quickly followed by their Internet episode (Episode 19) in which Deborah Francis-White politely but firmly engaged with an online troll.

Then this little gem popped into my Facebook feed:

Witnessing this display of male privilege, motivated by my latent Ghostbusters anger, and inspired by the ladies at The Guilty Feminist, I felt compelled to challenge his statement with some speech of my own (politely of course).   I went with an innocuous question expressing concern, to which he responded:

As you can see, I thought his argument was absurd and I politely made my perspective clear.  While he didn't respond, his fiancee later commented:

Female speech accomplished!

Act 3: Victory

Undeterred by my compelling feats of social media feminism, the entitled mansplainer struck again a few days later:

This made me so angry.  What did she ever do to him?  Act in a popular TV show that wasn't made for him?!  I had to say something but couldn't find the right angle.  Eventually I remembered a great article by the blog FiveThirtyEight demonstrating that while women don't generally write negative reviews for media aimed at men (Sportscenter, Halo: Nightfall), many men seem compelled to write negative reviews for media aimed at women (Sex and the City, anything on the CW).  The title says it all so I thought I'd share:

I was so proud of myself I was practically prancing around the house in all my feminist glory.  Then he wrote back and I sorta panicked.  When I finally summoned the courage to read his reply, I saw:

VICTORY!!!!!!

Podcasts We Love: The Guilty Feminist

I'm a feminist, but --- when TwoEsforMee recommended The Guilty Feminist podcast in April, and then again in July, it wasn't until she bugged me a third time two weeks later that I actually listened to an episode.

We are inundated with media recommendations.  Friends share things on social media.  Family members gush about their latest podcast find.  Everything we read and listen to comes with promos for more things to read and listen to.  How many times have I heard those lame promos for podcasts where Two Funny Ladies Talk About Lady Stuff!?

Okay, so perhaps I shouldn't be so embarrassed about blowing off TwoEsforMee's recommendation.  All that matters is that after listening to one episode of The Guilty Feminist, I binge-listened to all the available episodes without taking a break.

Why should you listen too?  Why isn't this just another version of Two Funny Ladies Talking About Lady Stuff!?  Let me persuade you.

They have a mission

Podcasts often have goals or themes, but The Guilty Feminist and its creators -- comedians Sofie Hagen and Deborah Frances-White -- have a mission. They want to crush the patriarchy.  Yes, we're all here to laugh and have a good time, but we're also fed up with patriarchy and are ready to do something about it.  You won't find a declaration of war on the website, but the creators' fundamental desire for change gives their material focus and a compelling sense of purpose.  

They're accessible

Everything I said about crushing the patriarchy is true, but the casual listener might not notice right away.   Both Sofie Hagen and Deborah Frances-White are professional comedians who are good at their jobs.  They approach patriarchy-crushing with smart, knowing humor without descending into the goofiness that often comes with Two Funny Ladies Talking About Lady Stuff!  They're mad as hell but recognize that real-world patriarchy-crushing gets messy and absurd.  We have to laugh sometimes and this laughter provides an entry point for many people who don't realize we're laughing to avoid crying.

They have a winning formula

Unstructured conversations can be great for exploration and unwinding but they aren't the most effective tool for crushing the patriarchy.  The Guilty Feminist stays effective using a 5-segment episode format that leaves the listener entertained, challenged, moved, educated, and inspired.

Segment 1: The co-hosts open their live-shows with several "I'm a feminist, but" confessions.  The opening lines of this blog post demonstrate the approach.  Another personal example might be: I'm a feminist, but --- when I go for runs, I always pick up the pace to impress men mowing their lawns.  These amusing little confessions establish a safe space for listeners while also demonstrating patriarchy's insidiousness.

Segment 2: Next, the co-hosts each perform a brief stand-up set on the week's theme.  In the Shoes episode for example (episode 20), Deborah Frances-White delivers a cunning take down of our society's assumption that half the population should conduct their lives on stilts.  The ladies are in their element during these segments and offer incisive social commentary alongside the laughs.

Segment 3: Between the show's bi-weekly live taping events, the hosts each attempt a personal challenge related to the episode's theme.  In the Boobs episode for example (episode 13), Sofie Hagen went grocery shopping without a bra and Deborah Frances-White walked around for a day wearing 6 padded bras to exaggerate her busty-ness.  Other challenges have ranged from taking on online trolls to making unapologetic phone calls asking to form creative partnerships.  Back at the show, the ladies recap their successes, failures, insights, and lessons for the future.  These discussions provide a very personal and practical view on feminism and offer inspiration for others looking to explore feminism or promote it in their own lives.

Segment 4: Following the challenge discussions, the hosts bring on a special quest to provide additional perspective on the day's topic.  My favorites include: Episode 19's (Internet) moving discussion with Emma Holton, an online human rights activist, victim of non-consensual pornography, and leader of the Consent project; Episode 6's (Exercise) inspiring discussion with Jessamyn Stanley, a plus-size yoga instructor and body positive activist; and Episode 12's (Worth) shocking discussion with comedian Sarah Millican regarding a horrifyingly sexist TV review that tied her value as a person to her appearance, relationship status, and family status.

Segment 5: Finally, the hosts usually close the show with a few audience questions.  These audience interactions add extra voices to the mix and often provide new connections to daily realities and sources of inspiration.

They get you engaged with your personal feminism

While I would surely enjoy a podcast that discussed the nuances of feminist theory, The Guilty Feminist's innovation is to recognize the practical difficulties that come with feminist principles and to provide a comfortable space to discuss these difficulties and find renewed inspiration.  With the podcast's personal confessions, social commentary, feminist challenges, guest perspectives, and community engagement, its difficult not to find new perspectives or little projects to try.  Whether you pursue a goal unapologetically, start to appreciate your body in new way, or simply start recognizing all those "I'm a feminist, but" moments, you will leave the podcast a more active, engaged, and entertained feminist.

Join the guilty but active revolution today!  

A Seminal Moment

Many words have been spilled in the wake of "pussygate" and  I will not speak about Mr. Trump and his comments here.  The idea that anyone was surprised by the "revelations" seems absurd to me.  Instead I want to meditate on why this feels like an unprecedented, seminal moment for U.S. women: we are finally seeing our "respectable" male leaders for the privileged, patriarchal shams they really are.

American women just witnessed many of their respected elected officials insisting that Trump's comments weren't a big deal and/or that the behavior he bragged about doesn't constitute sexual assault.  Such views, uttered by public figures, are horrifying, not just for their content but also for their audacity.  To pronounce them repeatedly and without shame is to demonstrate just how little our leaders understand the female experience and their utter disinterest in learning more.  The privilege is staggering and unmistakable.

But I think the men disavowing Trump have shown their true nature in a way we haven't seen since the Civil Rights era.  Once sentence in particular reveals a devastating truth:

As the backlash increases over a recording of Donald J. Trump speaking of women in vulgar sexual terms, some have said the fury may be particularly intense because Mr. Trump, who has previously offended a number of minorities, is now being perceived as demeaning a target historically more valued in American society: white women. -- Yamiche Alcindor, Level of Outrage Over Donald Trump Tape Is Linked to Another Issue: Race October 9, 2016. NYTimes 

This sentence is so damning.  Not only does it highlight how our leaders did nothing while so many other groups were humiliated, but it reveals their shallow motivations.

I am reminded of events back during the Republican primaries when Ted Cruz supporters circulated an unflattering meme featuring a nude photo of Melania Trump and Trump supporters responded by circulating an unflattering meme featuring a photo of Heidi Cruz.  Both men went into indignant huffs that left me strangely unsatisfied.  I couldn't quite figure out why.

Now I see it very clearly.

Cruz and Trump weren't indignant because they understood their wives's pain as the public equated their worth with their physical appearances.  No, it wasn't about the women's experiences.  It was about each man crushing a perceived threat to his manhood.  Two public primates claiming to represent the American people performed dueling dominance displays as they trespassed on each other's breeding territories.

This past weekend, many high-profile males suddenly recognized how the large aggressive male might trespass on their females (!).  How many referenced their wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers without indicating in any way that they understood the female experience?  Which of them expressed a new understanding of or appreciation for women's fears and aspirations?  The silence on this point is deafening and we hear it.  We are left without any doubt that the men we've trusted to represent us are only interested in preserving their own dominance.

How dare they?!  Oh yeah . . . male privilege.

We see it now and we will not let it stand.

And, if we don't laugh we'll cry.  Here's South Park demonstrating this dynamic better than I possibly could: Going Ape for Bebe (start around 0:48).