Body Identity Crisis

Earlier this year, I discovered I have hips.

I'd cleaned up my diet, bought a fitbit, and started noticing positive changes with regard to my health and well-being.  This, ironically, precipitated something of an identity crisis.  Let me explain.

I survived my adolescence and early adulthood without having too much to say about bodies and their connection to personal identity.  As an atypically tall human female with a healthy relationship with physical activity, I mostly missed the body acceptance struggles many young women experience.  No popular category ever seemed to apply to me (petite, curvy, athletic, etc.) so I went about my life without thinking about body identity very much.  Only once did "body type" specifically enter my consciousnesses when I happened to catch the Miss Teen USA pageant.  Staring at a line of 50 young women with exactly the same body type (cut & paste 50 times with different hair and a different gown), I thought, "That's really dumb" and moved on.

At least that's what my conscious brain was doing.

Rey from Star Wars: The Force Awakens

My sub-conscious adolescent brain was reading dystopian science fiction and identifying with the post-apocalyptic heroines fighting for justice.  In terms of body shape, think Rey from the most recent Star Wars film.  Unbeknownst to me, I was also identifying with what I will call social identity tags (I am sure there is an academic term for this). In my mind, the "Rey" type was tough, competent, resilient, asexual, and single-purpose.  Also, note the general lack of hips.

This body identity worked for me for a long time, even as reality challenged the tough, competent, resilient, asexual, and single-purpose parts on a regular basis.  Then I discovered my hips.  This isn't as dumb as it sounds.  If you plug my bust, waist, and hip measurements into all the (very scientific) online body type calculators, I come out exactly half-way between "hourglass" and "straight/athletic."  My hip and bust measurements are about the same and my waist measurement isn't hugely different either.  For a long time, it was easy to interpret this more toward the straight/athletic/Rey side.  After improving my heath habits however, the interpretation shifted slightly but inexorably toward hipped reality.

On Display. Existing While Female

I suppose this is sort of a follow up to my last post on Zumba.  I stumbled across a series of videos by Petra Collins (for BB Dakota) called Making Space.  They are basically the kind of short film I tried to make in college, except much better.

I'm not sure that I love Collins' work completely, or if I am just saying that because I'm super jealous of her for being so successful and so young, but I found the series of videos fascinating.  They invite me to reflect on the female body and how to find freedom in it.

The series focuses on high school girls in the south who, in their own ways, are all involved with dance.  As we watch the girls dance and smile and move in front of the camera, we listen to their thoughts on their art, their bodies, their relationships with other girls, and their thoughts on the future. 

I was especially drawn to the first part of the series.  The girls are beautiful, and they remind us that wisdom comes from all ages.  "How can somebody who likes me, make me feel so bad?" one girl questions.  Yes, why do we teach our girls to accept any male attention as something they should accept and appreciate?  Why do we teach them to love abuse?



The images are simultaneously real and yet also dreamy as we often watch the girls dance and move in slow motion, while listening to their open, honest voices.  It invites us to watch their bodies, but in a way that invites appreciation (rather than appraisal) and also teases out the girls' strength and their lack of shame or apology for their bodies being visible.  We get to witness the infinite possibilities of movement from an infinite number of body shapes and sizes.  This feels liberating and new to me.

Liberating Myself through Zumba

In the fall, I did something I had never done before.  I started taking Zumba classes at the gym.  Being in situations where I don't know the proper code of conduct and etiquette REALLY stressed me out.  And I'm also an introvert.  And I'm also extremely self-conscious of not being good at things.

But I started going to Zumba anyway because it was something that looked fun, and I am trying to do more things that challenge me and overcome all those petty fears and self-doubt.  I discovered that I really LOVE Zumba!

I don't love Zumba because I really good at it.  I'm not.  There any many people that are better at it than I am.  But being in Zumba classes with different women, the same women, and the random male who occasionally shows up has helped me form a new frame of mind towards my body and the bodies of other women.  Here are some things Zumba has shown me and helped me experience:

In bid to win over female fans, Marvel unveils . . . Spider Woman's naked butt?

After reading the previous post on the new Thor, I had to mention this latest comic book-feminism clash!

Again Marvel is the center of criticism around its depiction of female superheros after it released the cover image for the new Spider-Woman comic, whose first issue is scheduled to be published in November.  The visual appears to be of a Spider-Woman waving her red body-painted behind in the air.

Read this article from Identities.Mic that explains the ridiculous situation wonderfully.

This cover has got to be a big disappointment for fans who were hoping for a more successful, committed step by Marvel in the direction of gender equality and respect for female superheros when the series was announced at Comic-Con's "Women of Marvel" panel in July.

Check out truth-speaking illustrations by artist Carol Rossetti

Have you seen these illustrations about women and their stories about their bodies.  Brazilian artist Carol Rossetti manages to capture the reality of the way women's bodies are objectified and used to oppress them . . . but she also manages to craft the perfect confidence-inspiring comeback to all those instances of negativity.  Looking through the images you can't help but feel hopeful and strong.

Your freedom has no expiration date!

From article on mic.com.
Check out a complete album of the artwork at Rossetti's facebook page.

Meet Lammily

Have you guys heard the buzz about the new Lammily doll?

The Lammily doll is a new doll created by artist Nicholay Lamm, that he designed to have the average body proportions of an American 19 year-old.

When I first heard about this new doll, I think I rolled my eyes, as a lot of the press was talking about the doll as 'the modern Barbie' or some such comparison.  But then I actually looked at the images of the doll, and the Lammily doll looks awesome!

Photoshop and Bossypants

A friend of mine started an impromptu book club by asking on Facebook if any of her friends wanted to read Tina Fey's Bossypants with her.  A bunch of us all chimed in that we've been wanting to read it too and ran out and got our hands on some copies.  I'm only about two thirds of the way through, and I'm really enjoying it.  It is very funny.

But I have to admit that I was really pretty disappointed with the couple pages that she decided to devote to Photoshop.  In a chapter where she explains the craziness and the absurdity and emotional roller coaster that is being photographed for a magazine spread, she eventually gets to the issue of Photoshop . . . which she calls "America's most serious and pressing issue" (157).  Read that however you want.

Her blanket reaction to the photoshop debate is: "I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion.  It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society . . . unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool." (157)

She does say that she is worried about its excessive use and the affects "overly retouched photos" might have on women/girls' health and body image.  But she also goes on to sort of jokingly claim that only old people are really ever fooled by photoshop because "people have learned how to spot it . . . As long as we all know it's fake, it's no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds." (158)

But the question is: do people know it is fake?  I don't really think people are suddenly becoming experts at spotting overly retouched photos.  I struggle with trying to see the differences in finished products even when I watch time lapses of the edits.  I have definitely become better at spotting photoshop alterations but only because of (1) practice, (2) a conscious effort on my part to try to remind myself that these bodies are not real and I should not feel bad that I don't measure up and (3) the assumption I now have that almost everything has been photoshopped.  These things were taught to me and taught to me as valuable things to be conscious of.  I don't think most people have that same experience.

On page 158 she goes on to say:

Photoshop is just like makeup.  When it's done well it looks great, and when it's overdone you look like a crazy asshole.  Unfortunately, most people don't do it well.  I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop.  It's as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can't stop erasing human features.

I think here she gets at the foundation of the issue.  The debate about photoshop is not that we should never alter photos to soften an oily patch of skin or remove an unflattering wrinkle that catches the light badly.  But rather the widescale rejection of the diversity of human forms and human beauties in favor of some predetermined, arbitrary, seasonal standard (that usually has very little to do with biology or evolution) that people in power have decided is better than the individual being photographed--- so much better that the individual needs to be hidden, corrected, and often rendered unrecognizable when made in the image of this secret standard that the elite have decided Society should idolize.  It is really disturbing!  In this our prejudices and bias become amplified, solidified and transmitted to others.

Fey does point out a case where Photoshop is not used in this way, when she was being photographed by feminists for Bust:

Feminists do the best Photoshop because they leave the meat on your bones.  They don't change your size or your skin color.  They leave in your disgusting knuckles, but they may take out armpit stubble. Not because they're denying it's existence, but because they understand that it's okay to make a photo look as if you were caught on your best day in the best light. (160)

Here she makes that important distinction where the artists are not "disgusted" with the human form and are not "denying it's existence," but rather making an image that could realistically be you "on your best day."  I think it is ok to ask that this tool be used in this way, and not in an oppressive way and I think Fey on some level is advocating this.  For some reason she decides not to be clear or to take a serious stand on the issue.  Perhaps because she doesn't want to lose the benefits she feels she gets from it.

But are these real benefits?  In this video some women get the opportunity to get their photos Photoshopped by professionals, but are left disenchanted and uncomfortable with the results.  This was a really powerful video for me because it really showcased how Photoshop is used a tool to judge and exterminate difference in favor of a predetermined ideal over which these women had no control.  It left them feeling rejected, unloved, and branded ugly or in possession of undesirable features and traits.  I don't think we need to take that sort of behavior or attitude lying down.

But in the end Fey concludes "Give it up.  Retouching is here to stay . . .  At least with Photoshop you don't really have to alter your body."  This again is a sad statement because it implies that women under so much pressure to modify their literal physical bodies, that alterations of their projected, disseminated media images--- the image that makes it into the collective conscious of the Society--- seems like some sort of fair compromise.

To be fair to Fey, as she herself says: "I can't be expected to lead the charge on everything.  Let me have my Photoshop."  I do think it is fair to cut Fey some slack because she is doing so much other feminist work.  I don't think she needs to be fighting every battle and it's ok for her not to have the answer to every feminist problem.  But I think it still says a lot that a women as smart, respected, successful and fearless as Fey (she's not afraid to stand up to Taylor Swift and her hoards) still struggles with how she feels about this issue and how she articulates that.


P.S.  Although the stakes are much higher, this remind me a lot of this account of Olivia Munn trying to stand up for her contractual agreement when she agreed to do a shoot for Playboy.  Even though the woman feels confused and upset, she attempts to make light of the situation to help herself (and others) make peace with the experience.

“I will eat all the cookies”: The Acceptability of Body-Shaming Women

Not too long ago, I was happily eating a cookie when a man informed me that I was allowed to eat cookies only because I went to the gym often. I immediately went in for a second cookie simply out of spite. Although our exchange was both short and final, it made me think about how body-shaming is sometimes perceived as acceptable. Despite the rise of eating disorders in men, body-shaming is still largely a female phenomenon. For hundreds of years, society has been indoctrinated on how women should look and has been taught to see women as objects. If a woman is perceived as an object, she can be scrutinized and told how she has been found lacking at any moment.

The underlying meaning of the cookie comment was evident: “If you don’t go to the gym but continue to eat a single cookie on occasion, you will become gargantuan and will therefore be considered hideous.” I believe that being healthy is an important goal for which to strive, but his comment was not about being healthy at all – it was about being small enough to be accepted. That he felt comfortable passing judgment on my eating choices and consequently, my body, is concerning to say the least.

It seems as if we have come so far in terms of gender equality but then we get these glaring reminders that we still must constantly assert our “human-ness”. The only way in which body-shaming a woman in public becomes acceptable is when that woman is – or women in general are – considered objects. Some consider the male gaze / female object dichotomy antiquated and best suited for academic discussions centered on 19^th-century studies. However, this dichotomy unfortunately continues to be the norm. There are rare cases where these roles are reversed and the affect is often either shocking or humorous – both being reactions that highlight the undeniability of the female-as-object. I would not hesitate to make a comment about whether a table or a chair is well-designed. In that same way, much of society has no qualms notifying a woman about whether she is well-designed and when flawed, how she must go about fixing herself.

Do we continue to make progress on this front or have people become complacent? I believe that there is a long way to go before this issue is solved and I do not see if being addressed as often as it should be. The media is supersaturated with images of women-as-objects and the media is a source – either consciously or unconsciously – that educates people. We are bombarded on a daily basis with images of objectified women and with verbal constructions that place women at a disadvantage. Through the media, we see ourselves as objects and being treated as such. It is no wonder that so many are resigned to this role and have given up trying to seek change.*

I do not think anyone should be made to feel guilty or self-conscious when they eat. I am outraged when I am made to feel that way and disappointed in myself for succumbing to that pressure and that gaze.

I would like to end this post with this video about women in 2013:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NswJ4kO9uHc

Have we really gotten that far?

* I admit that I place myself in a tricky position when addressing this topic. As a representational artist, I have been trained to see people as objects and therefore, often find myself studying humans as I would a piece of furniture or a flower-arrangement. However, I am aware of this objectification and am trying to address it in my artwork. I mention this as full-disclosure so I do not seem the hypocrite.

Magazines and Photoshop... What is the point?

BuzzFeed is an awesome place. It is usually just hilariously entertaining, but occasionally it really hits the gold mine.  Recently, I saw the title on twitter and later sat down to watch the very short (37 sec) video.  37 seconds says EVERYTHING:

Watch Photoshop Transform This "Average" Woman Into A Real-Life Barbie In 37 Seconds

This video, created by GlobalDemocracy.com, is part of a campaign that would make publications include disclaimers if models have been significantly airbrushed or Photoshopped.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/maycie/powerful-video-shows-what-photoshop-can-do

There is not really anything for me to say.  The woman at the end is, of course, very attractive, but we cannot even attain that physical shape or beauty!  Why do we continue to show altered pictures in magazines, newspapers and Facebook that portray a life that is not physically, humanly possible? Defying logic a bit here.

I am guilty of it too.  Airbrush here, teeth whiten there, throw a filter on.  It seems simple, harmless, but where do we cross the line?  It is this kind of non-realistic expectations that cause women to want plastic surgery and develop eating disorders and depression.

Watch that last gif again (BuzzFeed allows you to watch it on infinite loop).  Is this normal?  If so, why do we accept this as normal?