"I'm having a hard day."

[Forewarning: this isn’t an in-depth, analytical post, but it’s something that I wanted to discuss. Just go with it.] 

            Last week, I attended an Ingrid Michaelson concert with my sister. This is nothing that’s out of the ordinary, as we average attending at least one concert every six months. That average would probably be less if Cincinnati wasn’t such a concert dead-zone, but that’s a different story. By the time I left the venue, I was in awe. Never in my life have I seen a performance that was so much fun, and where the artist was so completely open with everyone in attendance.

            I’ve been to a lot of concerts over the years, from concerts in tiny venues where the stage is roughly the size of a postage stamp to a memorable concert at Millennium Park in Chicago that turned the lawn into a sea of people smashed together enjoying great music on a summer evening. Each one has it’s own vibe, and that usually depends on the artist who is performing. One common feeling I’ve experienced at all of these shows is that the artist is in fact putting on a show. It’s not their real selves up on that stage, performing for a crowd. It’s a persona they adopt to survive the show. We all do it. We all have our professional selves, and our personal selves. I’m not sure if perfection is expected from you at work, but for me, my yearly goals are to have 90% accuracy in my work. More often than not it’s much higher than that, but I’m not expected to be perfect. Why do we expect it from musicians?

            I actually did a tiny bit of research before writing this post. If you Google various forms of the phrase “musician forgets lyrics” or “musician messes up on stage” and you’ll find a lot of results. You’ll find lists of artists who have forgotten lyrics, to YouTube videos of performers tripping and falling, sometimes falling off-stage completely. One list had it all, ranging from “Usher Gets Kicked in the Face” (it was #9 out of 10) to the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” at the Super Bowl. In those instances, it’s performers putting on a show with 90-95% accuracy. Sure, they sang most of the songs correctly, and did the right dance moves, but they slipped up somehow. That slip up is the only thing that people remember. However, it is the professional side of the musician that slips up, and you hardly ever get to see personal reaction behind it.

            Last week, I believe everyone who was in attendance was treated to seeing the real perform Ingrid Michaelson on stage. So what happened? To put it simply, she had a really bad night. Don’t get me wrong, it was an excellent show, and I wouldn’t change a single thing, but that’s probably just me. A few songs into the set, Michaelson went to perform “Winter Song,” one of my all-time favorite holiday songs, if it can be called that. After starting it off, Michaelson cut the song off mid-chorus. She wasn’t a fan of how fast her bandmates were playing it, insisting that it needed to be slower. They started the song over, and Michaelson promptly forgot the lyrics. She made a joke, played it off well, and quickly regained her composure and finished out the song. I was surprised, but not at all angry that she had forgotten the words. No big deal, it happens. A couple of songs later, she did it again. This time, it was during “Parachute.” This one was even better, as she started rapping to make up for not knowing the words. She at one point rapped the phrase “monster mash.” It was amazing. Some other concert-goer was fortunate enough to catch the fallout on video [found here].

            In the aftermath of forgetting the lyrics a second time, that’s when a truly imperfect, and almost normal, human really began to shine through. After the moment in the video where we hear exactly why Ingrid Michaelson was so forgetful, the show changed. Don’t get me wrong, the show before that was fantastic, forgotten lyrics included. Some people walked out, possibly because they had an early morning the next day, or because they were truly disappointed that the performer couldn’t remember words to songs she had written. I was thrilled. After that moment, she became human. Not some musician up on stage that we couldn’t really relate to, but a normal person who had bad days and who messed up. The professional performer was gone, and the person behind the professional took her place. The audience engaged more, clapping, dancing and cheering louder and harder with each song. We’ve all been there. We’ve all done something embarrassing in a meeting or in front of other people. Today, I walked over to talk to a coworker after having forgotten to zip my pants. She and I both noticed. Stuff happens. We empathized with the person on the stage, and in response we supported her. I wish it was something that happened more often.

            After the show, my sister and I waited several minutes before heading to the car in order to avoid traffic. We happened to pass by the tour bus on our way back to the car. There was a short line of people on the sidewalk waiting for autographs and whatnot. As we walked by, we overheard Michaelson’s tour manager telling the crowd that she wouldn’t be signing anything tonight, as she was already on the bus. My guess is that the professional performer was able to downplay forgetting lyrics twice and having to start two songs over a couple of times. I’m not so sure that it was something so easily dismissed behind closed doors. From all accounts, it sounded like she wasn't in fact on her bus, but still inside, and simply wasn't up to signing autographs or taking photos. I doubt she beat herself up for long, however, as later that evening, she tweeted this. I wish more shows were like the one I attended last week. I also wish that we would stop holding public figures to such impossible standards. I’m not on top of my game 100% of the time, so I’m not going to get upset and walk out if I happen to catch a musician when they aren’t at their best either. Have you ever been to any kind of performance where some sort of mishap occurs? Have you ever forgotten something basic while doing your everyday job, played it off like it was nothing, and beat yourself up over it afterwards?

Complicity with Abuse

Abuse has been in the news lately.  We’ve had female video game developers and feminist media critics fleeing their homes and cancelling public events after disgusting threats on their lives.  We’ve had concerned mothers advocating more gun regulation threatened and assaulted.  We’ve had professional football players assaulting their loved ones.  We’ve had nude photos of female celebrities stolen and disseminated across the internet. 

Maybe the abuse suddenly increased, or maybe it's been around this whole time.  Maybe we're starting to realize our complicity as a society.  Why has it taken so long?

Perhaps strong, systemic misogyny persists in our society.  That might explain why so many people blamed the celebrities whose personal property was stolen and made public.  These beliefs are flawed and horrid, but they can’t explain the whole story.

Another explanation might derive from most people's (and the media's) belief that others act in good faith.  If someone makes a stink about something, they must have a point.  The recent Gamergate “movement” started because one guy wanted to ruin his ex-girlfriends life and got his online buddies to help.  To cover themselves they said they were protesting journalistic ethics.  Many excellent reports have shown how little they care about journalistic ethics (see here and here), but the average person cannot believe someone would go to that much trouble after getting dumped.  There must be something to the ethics charge, right?

No one would threaten to murder a feminist media critic unless she’s saying crazy things, right?

Gun activists wouldn’t walk around provocatively with assault rifles if their rights weren’t about to be dangerously curtailed, right?

The woman punched in the face by her fiance must have done something to deserve it, right?

Wrong.  The vast majority of people don't ascribe to the abuser's view, but they think it must be justified in some way, especially if the view is expressed forcefully.  Our well-intentioned bias to think the best of people is letting them get away with abuse and helping them justify it.

Abuse is abuse.  It is illegal.  People shouldn’t have to put up with it.  Hopefully the recent media attention regarding abuse will help mobilize people to end our societal complicity.

National Day of Action Wednesday, Oct 29th-Carry That Weight

A month or so ago, I wrote a brief post about Emma Sulkowicz and her protest/art piece entitled Carry that Weight (earlier post). Her protest as been spreading due to its powerful message and the need for issues of sexual and domestic violence to be addressed in our current society.  

This Wednesday, October 29th the movement has organized a National Day of Action.  I encourage you to participate, check out their website/facebook and learn more!  While I will not be dragging my mattress around, I certainly shall participate with my pillow and pamphlets!

STUDENTS, STAFF, FACULTY, AND EVERYDAY CITIZENS ACROSS THE COUNTRY WILL STAND IN SOLIDARITY WITH SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BY CARRYING MATTRESSES TOGETHER OR PILLOWS. TOGETHER, WE ARE BUILDING THE MOVEMENT TO MAKE SEXUAL ASSAULT ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES UNACCEPTABLE.

http://www.carryingtheweighttogether.com/national_day_of_action

https://www.facebook.com/carryingtheweighttogether

Tampon Run

Morghan's recent post about feminine hygiene products perfectly set the stage for what I wanted to write about this week!

Last month I came across this great article about two high school coders who have created a fun, online computer game.  The theme of the game: tampons.

Before you can play the game (which you can play here: tamponrun.com)  you have flip through a couple panels that point out how "unspeakable" something as normal and common as menstruation is, and how ridiculous this is especially when compared with the normalization of guns and violence in our media and entertainment.

The aim of the game is to normalize the topic of menstruation though a silly activity, shooting tampons at attackers.  I really appreciate what these girls are doing.  They are helping to reduce stigma for women and combating the widely-held idea that our bodies are gross and shameful.  In addition, they are reclaiming a platform that of late has been having a little difficulty treating women well (see anything gamergate related): video games.

Feminine Hygiene Products

Anyone who knows me will be surprised that I’m writing about feminine hygiene products.  I’m not a sharing person and would rather take the "fix it and forget it" approach to that time of the month.  However, a recent incident has forced my hand!

First, let me say that we are very lucky to live in a society where we have many options for dealing with menstruation.  We have pads, tampons, even pharmaceuticals that will drastically reduce the number of cycles each year.  Many women throughout the world do not have these luxuries and have to suffer with the health and economic consequences.  For a very inspiring story about an Indian man who withstood ridicule and even ostracism to develop a safe, economical, and even empowering sanitary pad production method for India’s rural women see here.

But we shouldn't rest on our laurels here in tampon land.  Do our feminine hygiene products really meet our standards?  I would say no.  Why do I say this?  Well, I just realized we shouldn’t flush tampons.  They don’t degrade and they can get stuck in the sewage system and cause backups. Even if they make it to the sewage treatment plant they have to be fished out and trucked to the landfill.  If you didn’t know that, don’t feel stupid.  I have an engineering degree in sewage treatment and I didn’t know that.  Plus, the manufacturers do their best to keep you from realizing.  Check your box of tampons.  I can find nothing saying you shouldn’t flush them.  So the industry pretends to be our friend and but tries to make us forget that we’re filling the landfills.  Come to think of it, they do nothing to combat the "menstruation is disgusting and shameful" bias in our society.  They just say: it's okay, we'll keep your secret.  I am not amused.  

What’s the alternative?  The silicone menstrual cup (popular example here)!  Europeans have had these for years, they’re reusable, safer than tampons, more convenient, and don’t involve the landfill!  Why haven’t you heard of them?  Well I suspect the pad/tampon manufactures (they are not our feminist friends!).  I only heard about this because a very bored temp admin person at a boring summer job I had was intent on over-sharing all her travel tips, including the menstrual cup.  It took several years for me to become in touch with my femininity enough to use one of these, but now I wouldn’t go back to tampons (except when I misplaced my cup and had to resort to my emergency tampon stash . . . and discovered the no flush problem).

So now I over-share with you!  Many women have posted great guides, reviews, and other blog content to help women find the best solution for them.  Free yourself from those faux feminist tampons! 

Hunter/gatherer and gender equality: pervasive patriarchy?

            During a discussion today about women’s issues, I came across a question regarding the equality of men and women in our hunter/gatherer history.  Is the predominant story of pervasive patriarchy an accurate description of our anthropological history?  Were women always frail and submissive to their stronger, hunting counterparts?  This time period seems ideal to investigate the “real” issue of male/female equality as it would be relatively free of societal construct and influence.  By investigating this issue, we can truly get to the basis of what “human nature” and gender equality is really like.  Thankfully, I stumbled upon this great review written by Dr. Ernestine Friedl who uses her anthropological expertise to explore this issue.  According to her research, male dominance is directly related to gender control over food distribution, a relationship subject to tribal structure and the physical environment.  Thus, a variety of patriarchal and egalitarian structures existed (and still exist) and this relationship is still applicable to gender equality in modern society.

            To begin, I would like to define three main terms that will be useful for understanding her discussion.  First, a patriarchy is defined as a system of society in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.  Conversely, a matriarchy is a system of society ruled by women.  Finally and intermediately, an egalitarian society is one characterized by belief in the equality of all people, especially in political, economic, or social life.  Using these definitions, Dr. Friedl’s investigation points to a range of patriarchal and egalitarian societies present in our history, but truly matriarchal structures were absent from her findings.  The incidence of patriarchy was found to be in relation to the amount of dominion men had over the distribution of food.  Groups heavily dependent on meat and the hunt (example: Eskimos) are presented as strictly patriarchal.  Women in these groups are “treated almost exclusively as objects to be used, abused, and traded by men.”  On the opposite end, Washo Indians of southern California relied much less frequently on long hunts and more on communal hunting and gathering.  Women had the opportunity to lead and otherwise there was “relatively little difference in male and female rights.”  Dr. Friedl provides other examples of less egalitarian structures where men have dominion, but women do have the ability to exert influence.  Ultimately, dominion and status is awarded to the group who controls the distribution of resources, a process dictated by physical environment and biological constraints and usually, but not always, associated with the male gender.

            Dr. Friedl does address the division of hunters vs. gatherers into the respective male vs. female groups and attributes the division to the specialization required for these actions and the reproductive capacity of women.  As in economics, it is more effective for two individuals to separately specialize in tasks rather than for the individuals to perform averagely in both tasks.  Conceptually, men could specialize in gathering and women could specialize in hunting.  However, hunting would be made inefficient with the presence of a small child on your back.  The possibility of carrying and gathering is really what has solidified the “woman as gatherer” idea beyond the temporary constraints of pregnancy.  Interestingly, this perspective provides no comparison of male vs. female intelligence, superiority or submission.  It is simply most cost effective to design a method of food production where the males specialize in the more taxing, randomized pattern of hunting while women gather resources, bear, and raise children.

            The power of this article lies in its ability to contradict the patriarchy-as-inherent/historical-truth story.  We are certainly familiar with the story of the powerful hunter returning to dominion over his wife and family.  Although this was certainly the case in some instances, it is not the case for all.  Tribes existed with the promotion of egalitarian values and power relative to the distribution of labor.  There is no reason to accept patriarchy as the default human pathway as it simply is not true.  

            While reviewing the points of her article, Dr. Friedl relates this relationship of resources/status to contemporary society.  Modern day Eskimo women might be relatable to the middle class housewife, devoid of contribution to the family resources and subject to her husband’s dominion.  Dr. Friedl states “only as controllers of valued resources can women achieve prestige, power, and equality” (Handmaid’s Tale anyone?).  Currently, women are reducing the number of/closeness in age of their children and gaining more influence and power in the workforce.  She concludes with a powerful statement: 

In many countries where women no longer devote most of their productive years to childbearing, they are beginning to demand a change in the societal relationship of the sexes.  As women gain access to positions that control the exchange of resources, male dominance may become archaic, and industrial societies may one day become as egalitarian as the Washo.

Feminism, after all, is about equality.

Answers to Problems

           I had a blog draft started that talked about all the frustrations and anger and general mixed emotions I’ve been feeling over the past couple months as well as the wonderful conversations that have resulted from national news stories like the NFL domestic violence/Ray Rice fiasco and #gamergate. But it’s gone now. Why? I deleted it after my sister sent me a link via text message. The caption that came along with it? “I don’t even know where to start with this idiot.” Now, this is not something that is out of the ordinary when it comes to conversations that happen between the two of us. Normally it accompanies some sort of picture depicting something exceedingly stupid. Instead, I got a hyperlink to a post entitled “5 Reasons Why Girls with Tattoos and Piercings are Broken.” Now, I could provide a link to it, and I will if someone requests it, but I really don’t want to increase traffic on this site. What can be taken away from the article? Well, according to its author, women…wait, no, sorry…“Chicks” or “girls” or occasionally the c-word, which I never feel comfortable using…are dull, narcissistic wastes of space unless they are performing various sex acts or pleasing him in some other way. They are there to be eye candy, and anything they do to diminish their appearance is offensive. They’re insane, narcissistic Marxists one insult away from a breakdown. They are sluts. They are incapable of planning ahead/taking care of themselves. They are selfish. They’re boring. They’re mentally ill.
            I read the entire article, hoping beyond hope that it was some sort of horrible parody gone wrong. Hoping that someone set out to write a funny article, but failed to make the humor apparent. As far as I can tell, it wasn’t a joke. This guy actually, to some degree, believes the ridiculous things he wrote. Then I stopped thinking rationally, and actually let myself be mad about it. Normally, I would write these things off. I would ignore them. I would realize that sometimes, people are insensitive jerks who care nothing about anyone other than themselves. I wasn’t able to do it this time. This article, which is now making the rounds on Facebook, was the final straw that broke what was left of my patience. Over the past month, I have seen women’s issues be poked fun at, pushed aside to address later, straight up ignored, and dismissed. I have seen people commenting on articles discussing the new domestic violence policies the NFL has put into place, calling the league the National Feminist League, and declaring the game for wimps and women because they took steps to address an issue that has gone without attention for far too long. I have watched and listened in fury as coworkers (women, not men) and even I have been criticized for not working enough, because we have to leave after working 8 hours to deal with personal commitments. I read comments on articles discussing #gamergate that are simply infuriating. I am at the point where all I can do is look at these things and think “How is it possible that we still face these issues? How is it possible these types of attitudes still exist? How do people not see that this is a problem?” I don’t have the answers. I don’t have a single response besides “people just suck.” I’m really hoping that someone else has some better ones.

Comedians Do Feminism

My brain is a little too fried to provide an engaging review of feminist issues this month.  But luckily for me, several of our nations' finest satirists have done the job for me!

John Oliver over at HBO's Last Week Tonight has taken on the wage gap and beauty pageants.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart took on catcalling not once but twice!  They also took on sexy Halloween costumes last year, but it's worth a watch.

AND, the people down at South Park produced a devastating episode about Photoshop and its impact on kids (sorry only Hulu+ at the moment).

Key & Peele have also had some good sketches, but I can't find any available videos at the moment.

Enjoy!

#GIRLBOSS Lessons from Chapter 1

Introduction to #GIRLBOSS 

Because I am interested in fashion, I quickly picked up Sophia Amoruso's book #GIRLBOSS when it came out in the early summer.  For those who don't know, Amoruso is the founder/creative director/CEO of the online fashion retailer Nasty Gal--- a site where I have shopped a lot.  I definitely dig Nasty Gal's vibe which encourages its customers to show some attitude, be themselves, and take risks.  It is sort of a more curated, more punk, more sexy, less cutesy ModCloth.

In #GIRLBOSS, Amoruso tells us her life story and how she came to be where she is in her business and career, while at the same time encouraging her readers to become #GIRLBOSSes themselves and giving her advice as to how to do this.

I read #GIRLBOSS rather hastily and uncritically while flying from Philadelphia to LA and back.  When I got to the end of the book my impression of it was that (1) it was an easy read, (2) a lot of it was the sort of fun, positive, inspirational guff that one usually finds in such books, and (3) there were a bunch of points and practical, straight-talking suggestions that she made that I thought were really great . . . only I couldn't 100% remember what they were.

So over the next few weeks, I am going to quickly re-read the book, chapter by chapter (11 chapters total), to rediscover the pearls of wisdom Amoruso has to offer, and share them with you.

Chapter 1: So You Want to Be a #GIRLBOSS?

On Role Models:

"Not too long ago, someone told me that I had an obligation to take Nasty Gal as far as I could because I'm a role model for girls who want to do cool stuff with their own lives.  I'm still not sure how to feel about that, because for most of my life I didn't even believe in the concept of role models.  I don't want to be put on a pedestal.  Anyway, I'm way to ADD to stay up there: I'd rather be making messes, and making history while I'm at it.  I don't want you to look up, #GIRLBOSS, because all that looking up can keep you down.  There energy you'll expend focusing on someone else's life is better spent working on your own." (13) emphasis is mine

The idea of role models has fascinated me since I was a teenager.  I love to find people I admire and emulate and obsess over their lives.  I think being able to find great role models and understand why you want them as models for your life is really important, integral to development, and natural for the social animals we are.  Much social science research exists on the subject;  much of the debate around getting more female characters and more diverse female characters into our television, films, books, etc. revolves around the idea of role models.  If she can see it, she can be it, right?

Mattress Piece/ Carry That Weight

            These past couple months have been filled with discussions about women’s rights, especially after the release of the Ray Rice video and countless private photos of female celebrities.  While many have been railing against the NFL’s treatment of the situation and their overall domestic violence policy, a similar discussion has been quietly simmering in our college campuses.  Earlier this May, the Department of Education (DOE) published a list of 55 colleges and universities under federal investigation for misconduct in their sexual violence and harassment cases.  Institutions are of varied location and reputation, from Harvard University to the University of Virginia to Knox College in Illinois. In my opinion, investigations must have been severely mishandled to attract attention of the DOE.  This federal investigation is highlighting the misconduct of reports that were actually filed; there is no way to accurately measure the severity and frequency of assault that occurs as a total at a particular institution.  However, The Washington Post provides a great table of data regarding reported forcible sex offences between 2010-2012, calculating the number of offences per 1,000 students. Knox College, which I have never heard of before, appears again with 3.50 offenses reported per 1,000 students in 2012.   Do keep in mind that the process of reporting may be more/less difficult depending on the institution, thus drawing accurate conclusions from these data is quite complicated.

            Although Columbia University is not one of the 55 institutions listed by the DOE earlier, 23 students have filed related a federal complaint in April stating that the University “discouraged students from reporting sexual assault, failed to adequately discipline perpetrators, and retaliated against rape survivors and student activists for speaking out.” One student, Emma Sulkowicz, has been attracting attention due to her bravery, tenacity, and self-expression.  Since the start of her senior year this fall, Emma has been carrying her mattress with her everywhere she goes.  Emma says she will be able to forgo the mattress once her alleged rapist is removed from campus.  In a step of great bravery and significance, Emma has transformed her protest into her Senior Thesis entitled Mattress Piece/Carry That Weight.  Watch her describe her project below. [Please note that two additional students have filed reports against this same student.]

            By the rules of her piece, Emma is not allowed to ask for help to carry the mattress, but she is more than welcome to accept help when it is offered.  This community involvement has spread to what are now entitled “Collective Carries” and on-campus protests.  Last week a protest was held, including the presence of numerous mattress and roughly 50 individuals sharing their stories.  Emma indicates that for the most part, she has not needed to carry her mattress solo.  However, I am sure her experience has not been entirely positive.  It only took me a quick glance at the comment sections of relevant articles for me to feel disheartened. 

In total, I feel Emma’s work is an astounding piece, a complete inversion of Hester Prynne’s scarlet letter.  She is incorporating her experience, her expression, and her emotions into a potent non-violent demonstration.  As this op-ed writer noted, the collective carries “dramatically transform part of her performance art into a collaborative protest  (feel free to brave this comments section).”  Finally, Emma’s piece is a fantastic visual representation of metaphor.  As she explained in her video, objects of the bedroom, especially the bed, signify privacy and security.  How do we feel when we are forced into someone’s private space? How do victims feel when someone else forces themselves into the victim’s private space? The physical weight and awkwardness of the mattress reflects the pain and weight carried every day by those struggling with traumatic events.  The collective carries indicate how much easier the experience can be when there is community support. 

This piece is fantastic.  While I hope she will be able to put the mattress down soon, I look forward to more news and discussion that will serve to amplify its powerful message and community involvement.  Even if you are not geographically located near enough to help Emma carry that weight, the piece still challenges you find ways to carry that weight for those nearby who you know need the help.