Standards

Over the last few months, I’ve sat down to write this blog post numerous times, and ended up staring at my computer screen. I’ve been struggling with my thoughts and how best to piece them together on a page so that they resemble something halfway intelligent. Today, I decided to say screw it, and just go with whatever ends up on the page, so if it gets crazy off topic, forgive me. Let’s get started.

All my life, I’ve been a numbers person. I’ve always noticed trends and patterns with numbers, and I enjoyed noticing them and making sense of them. Then I started noticing trends and patterns in every day life. Those are sometimes harder to make sense of. Luckily, society tends to be numerically inclined, whether people want to admit it or not. Don’t believe me? Look at it this way: we have standards for quite literally everything. We have education standards that students (and sometimes teachers) are required to meet in order to progress or graduate. Employers have qualifications applicants must meet to even be considered for an interview for a position. We have beauty standards. We have health standards. We have standards of wealth. We have mathematical standard deviations in analyses of everything, which aim to determine how far away from the norm something is.  We have standards of proof. We have political standards, believe it or not. We have societal expectations and gender expectations, which are more or less behavioral standards. We have personal standards and dating standards and so many others that the word “standards” doesn’t even sound like a word anymore. What happens when none of these standards are good enough?

A few years ago, I knew three things in my life needed to change: where I lived, what I did, and how I lived. They weren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, and the first two definitely could’ve fallen under the third category. What I really needed to do was overhaul my life. I was unhappy, perpetually angry and short-tempered, and didn’t know where to start to make anything better. I decided to start by questioning how I got where I was.

Somehow, I had gotten off track from where I wanted to be. I spent 6 years in college and grad school in different states learning how to live as the person I (mostly) wanted to be instead of the person my hometown expected me to be. When I returned home I quickly found myself to be a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Instead of just accepting that I was a square peg, and I had no desire to fit into a hole anyways, I forced myself into it, shaving off bits and pieces of myself as I went. In order to get back on track, I had to decide how I was going to get those pieces back. I chose to make changes in my life that let me live by my own standards.

I’m not really sure how I came to define my own personal standards. Some of them can and do overlap with what society tells us is normal or expected. Some of them I believe are better even though society tells us it might be weird. I stopped caring about what society thinks, and focused on who I wanted to be, and how I wanted to be that person. I decided that I wanted to change where I lived. I wanted to be in my own space, to be able to go to the store without seeing people who had known me since I was a kid and who had known the version of me that I no longer wanted to be. I wanted to live in a space where I could be my full self. I wanted to work in a job that I didn’t despise. I wanted a job where I could park my car and walk inside, and not spend 5 minutes in my parked car, telling myself to go into the building because I had student loans to pay. I wanted to be someone that could face her own reflection in the mirror and not just be ok with what I saw, but to be happy with it. To be able to look at my reflection and smile, not grimace or sneer or feel disheartened, turn off the bathroom light, and walk away.

I started off by making little changes. I bought clothes that made me feel powerful or comfortable or, gasp, attractive, even if it meant I was wearing a necktie or motorcycle boots. I stopped convincing myself that I would one day cave in and start wearing makeup. I started convincing myself that I didn’t need it, because I look just fine without it, and sometimes more than just fine. I started looking for apartments, for new jobs, for new opportunities. I started looking into getting a dog, because I find dogs naturally make a lot of things better. I started being my real self, after years and years of denial. I started living authentically. I started letting go of stupid, petty things. I started challenging the status quo. I started building others’ confidence, instead of standing by and watching others tear it down because that person for some reason doesn’t meet any or all of those stupid standards I named earlier. I started challenging the way people think, in polite, respectful ways. I got my knee fixed, and I went on an international vacation I’d been dreaming about for 6 years to celebrate it. I recently felt that my knee was in good enough condition to train for and run a 10k race. I got a new job and a new apartment and a puppy and I am noticeably happier…and yet, it’s not enough.

I am happier than I’ve been in a long time, and I’m continuing to take steps towards meeting certain standards I’ve set for myself. It all began when I started asking myself questions, so it seems fitting that I end this blog post with more. What happens when you work for years to meet the standards you set for yourself, only to find that they are no longer good enough? What happens when you don’t know where or how to set the new ones, so you don’t know how to go about meeting them? What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

Are you double-0 crazy? If James Bond met a feminist, or even just a real woman

I didn't make my October post yet, so I thought I'd leave this here for you all to enjoy, if you haven't seen it yet!

This video is much needed relief to me as we find ourselves in the midst of Bond adoration as the new film comes out and I have to listen to my film guy friends explain to me how masterful the movies are.  It says much more than I can ever express clearly during these conversations.



I was even recently told I couldn't just say that I didn't like Bond movies because they were sexist and just leave it at that, I had to explain myself. When one friend came to my defense and pointed out that in some of the movies the sexual escapades border on rape, that didn't seem like a valid enough explanation.  Most of the time I try to avoid having to explain myself because it's never worth the time; rather I say that the films 'aren't made for me' because they aren't.  But being told that it's my responsibility to have to explain every. single. time to men what is sexist about a sexist piece of media, really irks me because even acquiescing to that demand seems like an extension of the very patriarchal system that I'm witnessing in the stupid Bond film I'm trying not to spend any more of my life on.  Why can't men take a moment and consider my claim and see if they can figure out why lots of women find the films offensive?  I mean, I'm expected to spend hours listening to and considering men's arguments about why the films are great!

I don't feel like I am obligated to explain to people that using female characters primarily for eye candy and male wish-fulfillment is sexist because it is so obvious.  People should understand this by now.

Another common defense of the Bond franchise is that, geez, you just have to understand that they were a product of their time.  But then, I want to ask, why do we need them now?  If they are antiquated, backwards historical artifacts, why are we reproducing them and extending them and make them literally 'of our time'?  I mean, Birth of a Nation was a "product of its time,"  does that make it any less racist?  Should we all be chill with making Birth of a Nation II?  No that's ridiculous.  So is insisting the Bond franchise isn't gross and unnecessary.

The films aren't really being transformed, except maybe by delving further into the mental anguish of what it's like to be a rich, British, smug, white man with endless guns. The center pieces of the films are still objectified, male-gaze-defined 'Bond girl' (it's all in the name).  If the films didn't have them, would they even be Bond films anymore?  I think most people would argue, no they really wouldn't.  So if you remove the misogyny there's not much left except some masculine brawn.  And so why do need to make more of these other than to make a cultural record of which female body shapes were idealized over the decades?

(I mean why is Berenice Marlohe even in Skyfall?  Her character is so forgettable I can't even remember why she is there other than to be unceremoniously shot by the baddie?  Does she even have more than three lines?)

(Also please note, the author of this post never watched Quantum of Solace because she watched Casino Royale and then also Skyfall at some point and then thought, why are you doing this to yourself?)

In addition, during Bond discussions, I'm usually told to count my blessings because at least now Bond has been given the gift of introspection.  We can witness him experiencing angst like a monosyllabic, sociopathic Harry Potter.  He makes sure to spend some screen time wallowing in guilt and distress over whichever ladyfriend has recently bit the dust aka driving around on a yacht looking pensive and frowning.  Am I a force for good or a force for evil, James wonders as goons majestically and cinematicly gun down beautiful women around him.  Again.  Performing violence and abuse against female characters for the sole purpose of instigating action and character development for a male protagonist is inherently mysoginistic--- denying women of humanity, agency, or identity as anything other than vessels of moral conscious for men.  Why do I need to explain this???

Yeah, the Bond franchise is all about male fantasy, and I'm not ok with what that fantasy is.

P.S.  Ok and way, maybe Namoi Harris' Moneypenny is a bit more progressive.  And Judi Dench is M or whatever and this is a step in the right direction.  But honestly is it really progressive?  I'd have to actually spend more time evaluating the storylines and the objectification of Harris to see if this is really valid--- and right now I'm not willing to spend more of time with Bond movies right now.   And frankly, it's not enough.

Professional Tips: small progress + the right tools

I've been totally swamped recently and while I have had many thoughts and articles I've wanted to write about... I am totally not ready.  However, there are a few things I have seen recently that I'd love to share!  Be sure to check out the actual articles, because there is a lot more discussion and more tips that I didn't include here.

1st) Ditch the binary thinking and start some thinking!  Any progress is progress.  Get movin.

Letting Go of “All or Nothing”

Today, I challenge you to adopt the “every little bit counts” mentality. Maybe the extent of your yoga practice today is holding child’s pose on your bed for 45 seconds. Maybe your workout is 10 quick squats while you’re waiting for your roommate to get out of the shower. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, my loves. Every little bit counts. The beautiful thing is that this mentality can actually spill into all areas of life. Maybe you’ve been avoiding calling an old friend because you can’t find time for a thorough conversation. Take 30 seconds just to say hi. Maybe your apartment has gotten out-of-control messy, and you don’t have the energy to do an in-depth clean. Set aside 10 minutes. Target one corner of one room.
Baby steps, a little at a time. Every little bit counts. With this mentality, we realize that we don’t need to fear seemingly daunting tasks. Life is all about staying balanced, and keeping the flow. As long as we’re doing something, we’re doing juuust fine.

2nd) Work on intertwining peace and balance into your relationships- Ditch the sarcasm, passive-aggressiveness, and brutal honesty. Build a "super"-you.

3 Emotional Weapons You Need to Put Down

Since we’re all works-in-progress, if you find yourself employing any of the above weapons or armor, please do not be ashamed. I assure you that we have all, out of the need to protect ourselves, meddled with unsavory powers. The point is that Super You gets bogged down by sad little tricks like these, so it’s better to learn to recognize them and then ditch them when you can. Keep your heart and mind open to the intentions of your behavior — and to the intentions behind those intentions. Keep evolving and keep shedding that cheap shit.

3) But don't play too nice: make sure you can skillfully interrupt to make better use of your time while still getting the job done!

How to Interrupt

If you want others to see you as curious and interested, you have to ask questions. And often, you have to interrupt to create space for your question—especially if your conversation partner likes to talk.

Do Interrupt:
1. When you want to ensure understanding
“Excuse me. I just want to make sure I understand. It sounds like the problem we’re trying to solve is…” 

2. To help them clarify their thinking
“I apologize for interrupting. I just want to make sure I understand. It sounds like your goal is….and your biggest concerns are…. Did I get that right? 

3. Because you’re genuinely curious
“Wait. What do you mean that you went through a dark period?” or “Hold on. How could you tell that he was bored in your meeting?” “Wow, can we take a step back. You just made a really interesting point. How did you come to that conclusion?” 

4. To facilitate a productive conversation. Sometimes, interrupting is the best way to get a conversation back and track. Meetings without skillful, facilitative interruption turn into chaotic wastes of time.
“It sounds like we’ve surfaced a topic that’s different from the meeting objective. How about the two of you continue that discussion later?”
“Excuse me. We’re running short on time and we have a few people we haven’t heard from…”
“Sorry to interrupt, but my next meeting will call in 5 minutes and I want to make sure I answer your question.”

--

Lets get to work!  Hopefully the more I employ these, the more time I will have to write the longer articles that are stuck in my head.

Allowed to be Loud - Or what I've learned from Florence

In a recent instagram Between Two Books (a book club run by fans of Florence + the Machine) announced their participation in Elle Magazine UK's Elle Feminism campaign--- a promotion for their 'feminism issue' featuring Carey Mulligan of the upcoming film Suffragette.  A discussion quickly arose in the comments, with followers declaring that #FlowsForFeminism "needs to be a thing."

We are Between Two Books (l-r Heather, Abbie, Florence, Leah) and we are incredibly proud to be a part of @elleuk's ELLE Feminism Campaign. One woman's success makes EVERY WOMAN STRONGER. More women for #morewomen #ELLEFeminism

A photo posted by The Flo +the Machine Book Club (@betweentwobooks) on Oct 1, 2015 at 3:25pm PDT

I am 100% behind #FlowsForFeminism.  Whether or not feminism is a conscious, central part of the project and work of Florence and Florence + the Machine, I do count Florence as one of the contemporary figures who have influenced my evolution as a feminist and a person.  Namely, she introduced to me the idea that women can be loud if they want.

Florence + the Machine's music is full of big sounds.  Florence's voice is infamous for being particularly distinctive--- big and full, declarative, "witchy,"  full of octave jumps, shrieks, howls, and endless, drawn-out notes.  Layers of choirs and drums build the dramatic songs.  All together the sounds are noisy, loud, declarative, full--- there is no hiding them, and there is no hiding from them.

Women are so often expected to be seen and not heard, to speak only when spoken to, to hold their tongues, to let things go, to suffer in silence.  If they must make themselves heard and visible, they should do it in a way that pleases others, in which they are cute, sexy, pretty, or attractive.  Listening to Florence I realized that things could be different.

19 Practical Steps You Can Take to Making Your Workplace Better for Women

Inspired by 35 Practical Steps Men Can Take to Support Feminism, here are some practical steps men and women can take (and are taking) to make the workplace better for women that go beyond the obvious of don't touch, harass, or sexually harass them.

Even if some of these seem bizarre or outlandish, I am including them because I've witnessed them occur several times and/or heard stories from other women about these things happening perpetually.

1.  Listen to women when they speak.

People have a habit of ignoring what women say, or assuming that they don't know what they are talking about.  Sometimes it seem like men in a meeting are just waiting for women to shut up so they can talk.  Women will also undersell how good their ideas are.  But women can offer just as much to a conversation as a man.   Listen to what they are saying.  Especially if they are talking about sexism.

2.  When you praise women, praise them for things other than "feminine" behavior.

There is nothing more defeating than working really hard at your job, only to ever get praise for being "nurturing" and "making people smile" and attending to the needs of others.  Praise women for being actually good at their jobs and praise them for the things that make them assets to your team/company.  Don't praise them for performing gender roles and for generic qualities that have nothing to do with their job.

3.  Don't make jokes about your female coworkers being pregnant.  Especially around clients or guests!

While there is nothing wrong with a woman being pregnant--- whether she's single, in a relationship, or married--- women still face a lot of stigma about their sexuality.  Making jokes about a woman being pregnant (especially if she is unmarried) can imply that she is careless, unfit for work, promiscuous, and possibly sexually available in ways that she isn't.  People who are not familiar with the woman (clients and guests) will not understand the nuances of the joke and may draw unfair, harmful conclusions about your female coworker.  It may also imply to the woman that her coworkers spend their time thinking about her sexually rather than professionally, and that they are ok advertising this.  This can make the workplace uncomfortable for her.

White Feminism & Race

Intersectionality is the new buzzword and it rocks.  

Intersectionality is a concept often used in critical theories to describe the ways in which oppressive institutions (racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, xenophobia, classism, etc.) are interconnected and cannot be examined separately from one another. 

While feminism can intersect with any of the above, an impassioned essay entitled "The Charleston Imperative: Why Feminism & Antiracism Must Be Linked" focuses the above definition to the modern intersection of race and feminism.  It reads:

We must recognize, at last, that racial violence, including the cycle of suffering and slow death that hovers over Black communities, is structural as well as individual. Equally significant, racial violence has never been focused on males alone....

Feminists must denounce the use of white insecurity -- whether in relation to white womanhood, white neighborhoods, white politics, or white wealth -- to justify the brutal assaults against Black people of all genders. Antiracists must acknowledge that patriarchy has long been a weapon of racism and cannot sit comfortably in any politic of racial transformation. We must all stand against both the continual, systematic and structural racial inequities that normalize daily violence as well as against extreme acts of racial terror. Policy, and movement responses that fail to reflect an intersectional approach are doomed to fail.

If you'd like a less academic definition and a great description of what I mean by "white feminist" (which is not synonymous with a feminist who is white), watch Huffington Post/Now This News's video clip.

Meanwhile, Danielle Fuentes Morgan details an example of her interactions with the racist patriarchy in her piece entitled "WE ALREADY KNOW: WHITE LIBERAL RACISM DENIES BLACK PERSONHOOD."  She aptly describes the type of discrimination and bias that she encounters on a daily basis, even in a quiet location like a waiting room.

This man decided I was too stupid to know who Bernie Sanders was (or at least how important he should be to me, as the token Black person in the room), that his ill-advised ramblings were sufficient to inform me, and that I was obligated to stop what I was doing to listen to him. He didn’t address anyone else in the waiting room. Just me. And no one said a word in my defense... 

My daughter’s face flashed before my eyes, in a split second, and I left. I allowed myself to be disrespected to keep my family and myself safe. I sacrificed my dignity in an effort to protect my life. I am struck even now by the fact that I left without my personhood respected to save my physical person. These are the choices people of color have to grapple with every day. I was able to choose to leave. Sandra Bland was not afforded that option.

Honestly, this is an experience I most likely would not encounter. However, what gets me (as a white female) is that she experienced this all this shame by herself. Her adversary no doubt felt victorious; he sure educated her. Where was her support? Where are the modern day feminists to point out what an ass that guy was? Are the predominately white women that are currently front lining the feminist movement (Emma Watson, Sheryl Sandberg, Meryl Streep) helping to advocate for all the non-white women out there in ways that are appropriate to each women's situation?

Anne Thériault from over at Medium and The Belle Jar is not so sure. In her piece called "Shit White Feminists Need To Stop Doing" she ends with:

5. Arguing That All Other Forms Of Oppression Are Over So We Need to Focus On Women
I’M LOOKING AT YOU, ARQUETTE.
Look, I know that her Oscar speech has been critiqued and analyzed to death, so I won’t dwell on this too much, but — come the fuck on. First of all, saying that we need “all the gay people and people of colour that we’ve all fought for to fight for us now” kind of insinuates that none of those gay people or people of colour are women, no? Second of all, literally read a book or something because racism and homophobia and transphobia are far from over. Third of all, you are a white woman who has benefited from enormous privilege her entire life. You don’t get to tell other marginalized groups what to do.

Here is her complete list.  You should check out the descriptions that follow each item as well.  They might be biting, but her comments deserve some thought.

1. Believing Their Experiences of Marginalization Are Universal
2. Crying About How We’re All On The Same Team
3. Talking About Hijabs (Or Burqas, Or Sex-Selective Abortion, Or Anything, Really)
4. Thinking That All Sex Workers Are All Miserable Wretches Who Hate Their Lives
5. Arguing That All Other Forms Of Oppression Are Over So We Need to Focus On Women

 Thériault talks about how most white feminists mean well.  While that is wonderful, it can be damaging.  By not being "intersectional," white feminists run the risk of being exclusive.  Women of different races, sexual orientation, cultural backgrounds etc. will not see feminism as a safe place...feminism is not really on their side. What is the point of non-inclusive feminism that does not support the women who would benefit most from a connected, unified community?

Some of the articles about white feminists (like the HuffPost vid) use the phrase "white feminists need to shut the fuck up," and I noted that some commenters are whining about feeling silenced.  Obviously, complete silencing is not the point.  However, it is a little hard to hear what other people are saying when you are constantly using your mouthpiece.  White women (myself included) should make an effort to throw the spotlight onto some of these intertwined topics and women who are dealing with multiple forms of discrimination.  Piper Kerman of Orange is the New Black is a great example of a feminist who has used her white privilege to bring the criminal justice system and the women it entraps into everyday discussion.

However, I think Gloria Steinem provides the best example.

"When asked what she’d say to the women of color who don’t feel that the feminist movement includes them or is about them, she says “I wouldn’t say anything, I’d listen.”

Do What You Love?

I was planning to write a long piece about contraception as a vehicle for economic opportunity, but found the recent vitriol swirling around this topic too depressing.  Instead, I will leave you with a thought provoking article I came across this morning.

"In the Name of Love" challenges our current "do what you love" mantra regarding work, arguing that a) this privileged perspective dehumanizes the vast majority of people who do our necessary but generally unlovable work, and b) enables the capitalist system to exploit workers by leveraging the passion-means-more-than-compensation ethos.  The author also notes how this dynamic particularly harms women:

"Yet another damaging consequence of DWYL is how ruthlessly it works to extract female labor for little or no compensation. Women comprise the majority of the low-wage or unpaid workforce; as care workers, adjunct faculty, and unpaid interns, they outnumber men. What unites all of this work, whether performed by GEDs or PhDs, is the belief that wages shouldn’t be the primary motivation for doing it. Women are supposed to do work because they are natural nurturers and are eager to please; after all they’ve been doing uncompensated childcare, elder care, and housework since time immemorial. And talking money is unladylike anyway."

I will admit to being shocked by this revelation at first.  I guess I'd bought into the Do What You Love thing just like everyone else.  My next reaction was rage.  A system of oppression exploiting mankind's hope for self-fulfillment as a sort of Trojan Horse?!  Finally, I sink back into depression.  Has there ever been a self-help movement that wasn't exploitative or exploited to benefit the privileged?

Be vigilant my friends.

Beyond the Lights shows the whole picture of the violence of commodification

I recently had the opportunity to finally watch Beyond the Lights (Thanks Netflix!).  I was excited to watch another film starring Gugu Mbatha-Raw (from Belle) and also Minnie Driver (who rocks), and by a female writer-director (Gina Prince-Bythewood), but I sadly missed it in theatres.

In brief:  Beyond the Lights follows the struggles of a young pop star, Noni, on the verge of superstardom.  The film opens as she is heading towards her chance at making it big, but as just one young woman against the "intimate psychic violence of racism and sexism" (as A.O. Scott describes it so well) that the music industry inflicts upon her, Noni finds herself standing on a balcony considering suicide.  It is only through the intervention of a young police officer that Noni decides to try to live.


The film at its simplest is a love story between Noni and Kaz (the police officer)--- and this story is frequently rather contrived and fantastical.  A.O. Scott describes it as silly in an affectionate way, but also argues that the fantasy of Noni and Kaz's relationship is part of the central project and purpose of the film.  (Read his review for more.)   However, it is important to note that while Kaz sparks Noni's move towards freedom and wholeness, as Minnie Driver explains in an interview: "Kaz saves her physically, but Noni saves herself."

Putting the romantic storyline aside what I found most moving, terrifying, powerful about the film was it's perspective on the music industry (the film arguably focuses more on the hip-hop/R&B industry in which Noni seems to operate, but I'm sure the criticism can apply to other genres as well).  First, the film forces us to witness the overpowering, in-your-face objectification that female artists are subjected to through the music videos Noni has recently released and the photoshoots she endures.  By contrasting this with the first impression we get of Noni (a talented little girl, sensitive, vulnerable and a beautiful soul with a moving voice, who loves singing and wants to make her mother proud) we get to really understand just how reductive, humiliating, sad, and violent these conditions are.  These forces are so powerful in their obliteration of the artist's self and disrespectful of their talents, it is abundantly clear how Noni is so easily chewed up and destroyed by the industry that at the same time it promises to give her everything, strips her of any dignity, safety, or support.

**SPOILERS AHEAD** 

Recovery and our Inner Warrior Goddess

The death card is one of my favorite Tarot cards. Bordered by circles of blue lifelines, the card beautifully demonstrates the concept of letting one thing go to make way for the new.  This concept is also reflected in eastern ways of thought like Feng Shui; you clear the old clutter in your home to make way for new energy and items to fill your life.  Life's cyclical nature, as represented here, always inspires hope  that new things are on their way.

But sometimes death is a b*&ch

While I am certainly glad that parts of myself and my life have died, sometimes the process of change seems eternal and excruciating.  In this past year, the death card pretty much wiped my personality down to nothing (ex. anxiety and depression) and let me sit there for while.  This gave me a chance for some introspection and to identify some of the ways we think when we get stuck in the mud:

• I am worthless (and all ten thousand permutations of this that wind around our brains).
• I just need a man, more money, the perfect job (etc) to be happy and fulfilled.  (Mostly since I am worthless and can't do it myself.)
• So and so ruined my life and since I am worthless or not in control, there is nothing I can do about it.
• I am too tired change or too used to my maladaptive ways to move onto something new.
• I lack support, knowledge or resources to make a change and often I am too tired or overwhelmed to find out who can help. 

Depending on the situation and the individual, we can be stuck here from days to months to years. Even if you haven't firsthand experienced this, I am sure you knew friend or a family member who was struggling.  It is often frustrating for everyone.  Personally, I want to shake and yell at everything.  JUST GET BETTER ALREADY.

Society too, as a whole, sends a message to those attempting renewal and often it is a message of hypermasculinity.  Yoga guru Sadie Nardini wrote an article on this topic, noting that women often "attempt to source their ability and drive from an overly masculine prototype, instead of reviving their inner feminine to do the job."  [Even I tried this tactic out!]

I don't need ___ or ____.  I don't need anyone. I got this, I can do this on my own.

The difficulty with this overtly masculine approach to rebuilding is that it is inherently isolating and cold.  While initially productive and intimidating, this energy serves to create more boundaries and separation from the community that is often so vital to recovery and a successful life.  It is a closed-ended approach with little room for discussion, expression and connection.  While our movie heroes like Wolverine certainly get the job done (with lots of exciting action scenes), they are usually devoid of personality and true friendships.  Is that what we are looking for in our new selves? In my personal experience, this masculine driving energy would get me moving and out the door... but then to where?  What was I going to do all on my own?

Thus, Sadie Nardini elaborates on the power of femininity and our inner warrior goddess.  She writes:

The end result of an integrated feminine side is completeness: full nourishment of one's life-force, passions, creativity, and relationship to Self.  This provides one with the confidence and freedom to stand up and say "I don't need anyone or anything, it's true-- but I choose to want them."  I choose love.  I choose family,  I choose these projects and I choose to keep myself close to my inner mother even as I dedicate to truth and moving toward right action, led by my inner father.

Her thoughts are equally beautiful as the death card.  The synthesis of the vulnerable, caring, more feminine sides of our being with the driven, meticulous "masculine" side creates a strong, raw, and authentic energy.  Reaching out, connecting, expressing, nurturing... these are not weakness, but are instead powerful tools we can use to live.  Often, devoting ourselves to others can pull us away from our own despair and difficulties.

Sadie concludes:

In this place, we are whole, and we are free.  We refuse to play small yet we walk with humility and openness to the world's curiosities and dead ends.  We allow our hearts to break because we dared to love with abandon, we gather our children and friends and lovers close and recognize that God can be found between our palms and the skin of our beloveds--and in our joy or grief alike, we thank the Universe for letting us love at all, even while we mourn the inevitable loss of all those we touch.
We are women, not men, and it's high time we learn what it means to rock who we are, and when in doubt, to simply become as incandescent as summer's first firefly in response. 

With this, we can move on and live.

Why I don't wear Chanel

Ok, this post is a bit of a delayed reaction.

And ok, there are probably other reasons why I don't wear Chanel. ($$$)

But as someone who is sort of a hobbyist for fashion, I got fed up with Chanel last year.

Chanel is easily one of the most recognized, respected, and classiest, highest-pinnacle brands in fashion.  It is the creme de la creme.  Chanel has demonstrated over and over again that it is able to be creative, fashionable, beautiful, classic, and contemporary yet timeless.

However, for the Spring/Summer 2015 show held in October 2014, the show concluded with a tasteless, sophomoric faux feminist protest.  Models paraded out one more time, carrying placards with meaningless phrases like "Make Fashion Not War" and "Féministe mais Feminine.”  I was shocked to see this spectacle of highly privileged bodies playacting at the struggles of oppressed and underprivileged groups for highly select audience, elitist by design and definition.  The willful ignorance, lack of sensitivity or conscience, and cold selfcenteredness (and downright display of unabashed elitism) demonstrated filled me with disgust and outrage.